


just breathe (i will stay)

by AlwaysRain



Category: The Adventure Zone (Podcast)
Genre: Background Relationships, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Families of Choice, Gen, M/M, Mental Health Issues, Minor Barry Bluejeans/Lup, Minor Raven Queen/Istus, Minor Sloane/Hurley, Night Terrors, Panic Attacks, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Strangers to Lovers, and have drastically different coping methods, but help each other grow and heal and form one giant family out of their friends, in which both kravitz and taako have ptsd for drastically different events
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-01-05
Updated: 2018-02-15
Packaged: 2019-02-28 12:12:26
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 9
Words: 23,247
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13271214
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AlwaysRain/pseuds/AlwaysRain
Summary: “Oh. It’syou.”The elf lets out a small, nervous giggle, his ears twitching with some repressed emotion. He’s not wearing as much makeup as he was last night, but the sparkly eyeliner still highlights his hazel eyes impressively. The smattering of freckles across his cheeks is even more attractive when Kravitz can see it properly. He feels warmth in his chest, a vague repeat of the night he isn’t sure he remembers correctly. The elf takes a single step back from Kravitz, twisting his employee’s apron into a knot between his hands.“Look, homeboy doesn’t want any trouble, if you’re mad you can just, uh-”Kravitz smiles easily, before he can think better of it. Or think at all, for that matter. “It’s Taako, right? You stole my heart.”





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> This fic is shamelessly self-indulgent with the fluff and headcanons, and beta'd by the ever wonderful Jaime (tennisxiu.tumblr.com)
> 
> Rated teen and up for language and descriptions of panic attacks and traumatic events. I'll try my best to stick a note at the start of every chapter with a warning of the content to follow if it could be triggering! If I miss anything, please let me know, I want this to be enjoyable for everyone who reads it <333
> 
> I'm gonna be trying to update every ~3-5 days or so, but I apologize in advance for when I'm late cause I know I'm bad at keeping a regular update schedule.
> 
> Kudos make my day but comments make my month!
> 
> Feel free to come talk to me on tumblr (alwaysraineh.tumblr.com) because I have no reservations in regards to my overwhelming love of TAZ and the McElroys and these sweet sweet adventure boys.

If someone had asked Kravitz how his life was going to go, even just three months ago, this is not the reality he would have described to them. He would have gotten exactly two things correct in his description: that his cat, Raven, treats him as though he is nothing more than a human food dispenser, and that he is, according to his mother, chronically single.

The things that he would have gotten wrong in his description are more numerous: he lives in the same apartment he has for the past five and a half years, he works the same job as he has for the past six years, he sleeps well and for an appropriate amount of time each night, and he is happy with his life.

The reality of the situation is this: he quit his job, moved to the other side of the city, he’s lucky if he can sleep for more than five hours at a time, and he’s currently arguing with his mother on the phone as he buttons a dead man’s suit.

This is, in no way, how Kravitz ever imagined his life unfolding. 

“Yes, Mother, I understand. …No, I- Mother. Please. …I really don’t want to be set up with your acquaintances, that’s why. …No. No, I do not want to go on a blind date. …No, I can’t come visit you tonight. …Because I have work to- …yes, it is tonight. No, I don’t have a break between now and then. …Of course I will. Yes- yes, of course. …I love you too, Mother. …Yes. Yes, Mother, goodnight.”

Kravitz pulls his cellphone from where he’s had it tucked between his ear and his shoulder for the past hour. He hangs up with a sigh and tosses his phone to the side. It lands on top of his suit jacket on the stainless steel table beside him. He shakes his head as he smooths down the lapels on the dead dwarf’s suit.

“You’re a lucky man, Mr. Rockseeker. No one expects anything of you, anymore.”

Kravitz pulls off his rubber gloves and drops them into the trash can at his feet. The sound of clicking high heels draws his attention to the doorway. A tall half-elf woman wearing a sleek black dress strides into the morgue. Her dark hair is curled into an elegant up-do and a diamond necklace sparkles around her neck. Kravitz gives her a tired smile.

“Sloane. You look wonderful.”

Sloane breaks into a reserved smile- for her, it’s equivalent to a toothy grin. She kisses both of Kravitz’s cheeks after she approaches, careful not to smudge her dark lipstick on his skin.

“Thank you, darling. Are you ready to go?”

“You’re going to make me even if I say no, aren’t you?”

“Of course. Hurley and I aren’t going to be around on your actual birthday, and your mother would kill me if we didn’t take you out.”

Kravitz purses his lips. “We could start and end the evening at a nice restaurant.”

“Oh, please. How are we supposed to claim that we’re helping you meet new people if we take you to _dinner_ for your birthday? Besides, Hurley wants to go clubbing.”

Kravitz resists the urge to pinch the bridge of his nose. He opens his mouth just as Sloane raises a delicate eyebrow. Kravitz concedes the silent exchange with a sigh by slipping his cellphone into his pocket and grabbing his suit jacket.

“Quiet bar afterwards, at least?”

The corner of Sloane’s mouth quirks up into a grin. She holds out Kravitz’s messenger bag as he closes the coffin of a dwarf with unruly red hair. He slings it onto his shoulder and pulls his hair into a tie. Sloane slots their arms together, then wrinkles her nose and pulls back again.

“Quiet bar afterwards, spritz of cologne beforehand. No one wants to get hot and heavy with a guy who smells like formaldehyde.”

“I don’t-” he stops at the look Sloane gives him. “… Alright. Let’s go.”

 

 

A spritz of cologne turns out to be an entire new outfit thrust at Kravitz by Hurley the moment he climbs into the backseat of Sloane’s town car. He barely has time to register what the fabric in his hands is meant to be before Hurley is clambering into the back with him, ignoring Sloane’s cool comments about traffic laws. 

“Come on, come on, _monsieur De Atta_ , shirt first so I can fix your hair.”

“There’s nothing wrong with my hair.”

“Your locs are gorgeous as always, but you literally wear them the same way for, like, everything. Let me have this, alright?”

Whatever Hurley does to his hair is lost to Kravitz in the midst of trying to pull on the tight pants that have been supplied for him. As he’s attempting to tie the ankle-height black boots, he frowns.

“Are these pants ripped in the knees?”

“Yep!” Hurley says excitedly, slinging a single fine gold chain around his neck. “And they’re denim. Barry picked them out.”

“Of course he did. Is he coming out tonight as well?”

“Nope!” Hurley’s voice is just as chipper in the negative as it is in the positive. “He said he’s helping his girlfriend track down her brother.”

Sloane’s voice drifts back from the front. “Still? I thought they hired a private investigator. Shouldn’t they have found him by now?”

“No,” Kravitz says, struggling to pull on the long, lightweight coat Hurley has given him, “Barry said they decided not to spend money on a PI. Said- what was her name, again?”

“Lup, I think.”

“Right. He said Lup didn’t want some stranger meeting her brother before she did. Frankly, I’m more interested in when we’re finally going to meet Lup.”

Hurley snorts and settles into the seat beside Kravitz, seemingly content that his new outfit is completed at last. “Oh, please. I asked him about it and he said ‘all in due time’, whatever that means. Stop worrying about Bluejeans and his mistress and start worrying about yourself! Kravitz, you are turning thirty in four days. Your best friends and your mother are all going to be out of town, please just let us make tonight all about you!”

“… If I say yes, is there any chance we can still just go to dinner?”

“No,” Sloane says, “because we’re already here. Leave your clothes and wallet, but bring your bag.”

Sloane slides gracefully out of the town car and flicks the keys to the valet standing next to the curb. She’s obviously not going to wait for her girlfriend or her best friend, so both Hurley and Kravitz quickly clamber to join her.

An earth elemental is guarding the door to the club like some sort of hulking golem- Kravitz barely has time to consider this, or the small red bird seemingly content to perch on said elemental’s shoulder, before the three of them are whisked into a world of flashing lights and pounding bass.

They’ve barely made it in the door before Hurley lets out an overjoyed scream and says something about drinks. She disappears into the crowd as Sloane leads Kravitz first to the VIP section, then to a private room with _De Atta_ written in swirling letters on the glass of the door. As they step into the room, the music muffles just slightly, and Kravitz realizes that all walls except the back of the room are made of glass. Said walls are lined with the seats of a plush leather booth, and a small stack of gifts are piled on the only table in the room. Hurley reappears moments after Kravitz and Sloane have sat down, brandishing a bottle of champagne and a little tray with four shots balanced precariously on her free hand.

“You haven’t opened your gifts yet? How are we supposed to party when you’re so _slow_ , Kravitz?!”

Kravitz closes his eyes for a moment and draws a deep breath. “I know that both of you know that this is really not my idea of a night out, but… thank you. I appreciate it.”

Sloane reaches over him to grab two of the shots. She sets them in front of herself, then slides the smallest of the three packages towards Kravitz while Hurley places one of the remaining two shots by his hand. Hurley pats Kravitz’s forearm affectionately.

“You’re welcome,” Sloane says, and knocks back the first of her two shots. Kravitz tweaks an eyebrow and she shrugs. “Open your gifts, birthday boy, and I’ll wait for you to do the other one.”

Kravitz chuckles a bit, but ultimately decides that it’s best just to open the wrapped presents and get this night over with. The first is a silver wristwatch with a diamond-encrusted clockface. The second, a black silk tie with tiny skeletons embroidered into it, along with a pair of golden skull-shaped cufflinks. He’s confused until he reads the note in the bottom of the box, and then he laughs and holds the paper out for Sloane and Hurley to read as well.

_Barry says you’re basically the Grim Reaper- wear these to complete your look. ‘Til death do us greet – Lup_

Even Sloane snorts at the message and rolls her eyes a bit. “Haven’t even met this chick and she’s already upstaging us with the birthday presents and cool one-liners.”

“Step up your game, baby, Barry and I picked out a bombass outfit for Kravitz,” Hurley says, grinning cheekily at her girlfriend.

Kravitz glances down at the loose-fit white shirt and tight black pants and resists the urge to tease Hurley about this statement. Sloane impatiently shoves the last box at Kravitz and sticks out her tongue at Hurley. It seems an odd gesture, considering her refined demeanor, but perfectly encapsulates their relationship.

The final gift turns out to be a life-size, anatomically correct ceramic heart. From Barry. Of course. Kravitz grins and kisses both women’s cheeks, then slips the three items into his messenger bag. Hurley crows victoriously.

“Yes! Now we can do shots and get you absolutely wasted!!!”

“Uh-”

“No, no no,” Sloane cuts in, almost desperately. “Kravitz, come on. We are tricking your mother into thinking we’re setting you up with some poor sucker tonight. That woman loves us, and we are _lying_ to her for _you_. Please please please please pleeeaaaseee drink with us!”

Kravitz contemplates this for a while, and finally sighs. “Alright. But you have to promise that one of you will stay sober enough to drive home tonight.”

“Done and done.” Hurley flashes him a brilliant smile and wraps her arms around his shoulders in a quick, tight hug. “Now shots!”

 

 

An hour later finds Kravitz attempting to wind through the club back towards the glass room Sloane had reserved for them. He manages to get to the VIP section with minimal jostling, but when he opens the frosted door to the glass room, there’s an elf crouched by the end of the booth. Kravitz pauses in the doorway, trying to remember 1) if he had seen Sloane or Hurley talking with this elf, 2) if he perhaps had spoke with this elf, and 3) how many drinks he has had thus far.

The elf glances over his shoulder and hazel eyes go wide in surprise and no, Kravitz has most definitely never spoken to nor seen this elf before. He’s not just an elf, he’s the most beautiful elf Kravitz has ever seen (or perhaps just the most alive). Kravitz furrows his brow, still attempting to make sense of the situation.

“Who are you?”

The elf lets out a little nervous giggle. He flips hair over his shoulder- long, blonde, shiny, beautiful- and uses that motion to draw a slender hand back away from Kravitz’s messenger bag before he can notice. The elf’s eyes flick to the discarded wrapping paper on the table to the half-open messenger bag and back to Kravitz. He straightens up slowly- brown, willowy, delicate, beautiful- and flashes a smile- bright, framed by dimpled cheeks, freckled nose, beautiful- as he turns to face Kravitz.

“I’m a… dancer,” he says, and somewhere in the back of Kravitz’s mind, he knows it’s a lie. But the foreground of his mind is blank, numbed by the voice coming out of that beautiful mouth. “Let’s go dance, birthday boy.”

The elf slides his hand into Kravitz’s and pulls him away from the glass room, back through the VIP section, back to the crowded dance floor. Kravitz frowns, confused, until the elf wraps soft arms around his neck and begins swaying him to the beat of the music. Multi-colored lights flash overhead, illuminating the elf’s face, and slowly Kravitz feels himself come alive. He draws the elf closer and they dance, pressed against each other in the middle of a sea of bodies. Finally, Kravitz dips his head down so his mouth is beside the elf’s ear.

“You’re a shitty dancer,” he says, as quietly as he can over the music.

The elf draws back a little to search Kravitz’s face with those bright hazel eyes. A lazy smile spreads across those lips. “No shit,” the elf says, “I’m not a fuckin’ dancer.”

Kravitz, against his better judgement, laughs. “Let me buy you a drink?”

“Hell yeah, homie, lead the way!”

When they reach the bar, the elf releases Kravitz’s hand so he can hop up onto a stool. He waves his hand vaguely at Kravitz’s outfit once their drinks have been ordered.

“What’s up with the stylish half-goth ensemble, anyway?”

“Hmm? Oh, this. My friend bought it. I believe she said something about me wearing too much black.”

“Which means she bought you… three more black items and one white item?”

“And gold,” Kravitz protests, turning so the decorative buttons on his coat catch the light.

The elf hooks a slim finger through the gold chain around Kravitz’s neck and pulls him closer. “And gold,” he concedes, a crafty smile playing on his lips. “So you know I’m not a dancer. Are you really a birthday boy?”

“Not for a few days. Hurley and Sloane are going to be out of town, though, so they decided they would drag me out here tonight.”

“Drag you?” The elf sits back, and only then does Kravitz realize they had been leaning towards each other. He takes a sip of his drink to distract himself from that fact. “You’re not having fun?”

Kravitz shrugs. “I didn’t say that. It’s more that this really wasn’t what I had in mind when they told me we were going out.”

“You dressed for it, though.”

“Not by choice. They kidnapped me from work and made me change.”

“And why’s that?”

“Apparently suits that smell like formaldehyde and funeral homes are ‘inappropriate’ for clubbing.”

The elf lets out a surprised bark of laughter and Kravitz feels a bloom of warmth settle in his chest at the sound. Before he can help himself, he’s asking if he can buy the elf another drink, and another, and then they’re dancing again. By the end of the night, Kravitz is thoroughly out of breath and has stopped trying to remember how long they’ve been dancing or how much he’s been drinking. It isn’t until his phone starts vibrating in his pocket that he even realizes how late it’s gotten.

The elf, flushed and panting from the effort of… well, keeping himself upright, apparently, judging by how he’s slumped against Kravitz’s arm, is humming softly to himself as he absently plays with the lapels of Kravitz’s coat. Kravitz takes the opportunity to answer the call.

“Hello?”

_“Hello?”_ Hurley’s voice mocks back at him, exasperated. _“This is the third time I’ve tried to call you and all you’re going to say is hello?”_

“Um.”

_“Don’t ‘um’ me, birthday boy! Sloane is- no, honey, don’t do that- Sloane needs to go home and we’ve been trying to find you for like three hours. Okay, only one hour. The two before that we were watching you have fun and decided not to interrupt. But really, where are you?”_

“Uh-” Kravitz takes a moment to observe his surroundings. He has to blink a few times to focus his vision. The elf makes a face at him and breaks down into giggles. Kravitz resists the urge to do the same.

_“Kravitz.”_

“Oh, right. Um. A park. We’re in a park. It’s- … how did we get here?”

“Fuck if I know,” the elf mumbles, then hides his face in Kravitz’s neck for a moment to hide his brilliant smile. “S’like two blocks east, I think. Cha’boy is _drunk_.”

_“Who’s that?”_

“What? Nothing, Hurley, don’t worry about it. The park is two blocks east. Should we walk back, or can you handle getting Sloane to the car and come pick me up?”

_“No, it’s fine. I’ll be there soon.”_

Kravitz doesn’t even time to affirm that he’s heard her before she hangs up. He leans his head back and groans, then yelps when the elf nuzzles against his neck. They meander their way through the park to sit on a bench, where the elf wraps himself around Kravitz, who finds he does not mind the excessive physical contact. If anything, he welcomes it. Finally, he draws a deep breath of the cool springtime air to try and clear his head. It doesn’t work, but he does manage to form an almost coherent thought.

“If you’re not a dancer, why were you in the lounge earlier?”

“What, going through your bag?” The elf pulls himself away just enough to let Kravitz see the dopey, drunk affection on his face before he starts giggling again. “I was looking for your wallet. Or… not _yours_ , really, just any wallet. Instead I find a, uh, uh- a fuckin’ skeleton tie and some dumb skull cufflinks? Then a hot homie to boot.”

Kravitz feels himself flush, though he’s not entirely sure why. Distantly, he registers the flash of headlights. The elf untangles himself from Kravitz with a sigh, letting his long legs swing back to the ground. He pulls his braid over his shoulder and checks the state of it, then shrugs it back out of sight.

“Well,” he says, pushing himself off the bench, “homeboy has got to go, but uh… this was fun, or- y’know, whatever.”

Kravitz watches the elf walk away for just a moment before he realizes what’s happening and jerks to his feet. And then he does the unthinkable. “Wait! Can- Can I see you again?”

The elf stops to look over his shoulder at Kravitz. His sad smile almost seems genuine. “Probably not, bone daddy. Feel free to look me up, though. I’m Taako, and I stole your heart.”


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> There is a graphic description of a nightmare/flashback in this chapter, detailing the wreckage of a vehicle crash and the deaths of four people. It's followed by a grounding technique to help recover from panic/anxiety attacks.
> 
> I know I said every 3-5 days for updates but I got too excited!!! Depending in how quickly writing goes, I may update more frequently!
> 
> Also, I have a playlist to go along with this fic while reading (cause I use it while writing). Go check it out!  
> https://open.spotify.com/user/1251719763/playlist/1Z6PJ7vivM527e3WTQRRL8

Kravitz sleeps like the dead. Or, at least, that’s what it feels like before he jolts upright with a gasp, heart stuttering before it catches up with the rest of his body. Raven looks up from where she’s curled at the end of the bed, blinks at him with wise eyes, and trills. She stretches with a yawn and stalks over to rub her face against his arm and purr. He scratches behind her ears absentmindedly as his breathing settles.  
  
He’s in his apartment, so that’s a good sign. It’s quiet, which means Hurley and Sloane must have gone home sometime between helping him inside and when he collapsed onto the bed fully clothed. Kravitz groans and rubs a hand over his face. Raven butts her face into his stomach.  
  
“Alright, alright,” Kravitz chuckles, scooping her into his arms as he stands up. The room sways, just a little, just for a moment, and he grimaces. “Let’s get you some food. Then we’ll get some water for me, and maybe I’ll be lucky and not have a hangover when I wake up again.”  
  
Raven purrs and wriggles so she’s pressed closer to Kravitz’s chest. He smiles and kisses her nose just before he sets her on the floor next to her food bowl. He fetches a can of wet food and a cup from the cabinet. The cat food goes into Raven’s bowl and the cup is filled with and emptied of water four times before she’s done eating.  
  
Kravitz notices his messenger bag slung carelessly onto the table and sighs, mentally chastising himself. He sets his cup in the sink and makes his way to the table, Raven weaving between his feet the entire time. Raven jumps up onto a chair so she can see as he unloads the contents of the bag- a rumbled suit vest and button-up shirt, two black pens, a small umbrella, a glasses case, small boxes containing a wristwatch, a tie, and new cufflinks, and-  
  
Oh. Shit. The ceramic heart from Barry isn’t in the bag. Kravitz frowns. Had he taken it out already? Or perhaps he’d left it in Sloane’s town car. Or-  
  
_“I’m Taako, and I stole your heart.”_  
  
Well, fuck. He sure did.

  


 

It’s cold. Far, far too cold. The back of the ambulance is meant to be kept at a constant temperature so the patient compartment is comfortable. This is- blood, in the snow, needles and glass in dirty slush. A noise, to his left. Darkness to his right, and pain. A child’s small, broken body, skull dented beside mangled metal that may once have been an ambulance door. Blood trickling in his eyes. Ringing in his ears. Throbbing in his head. A familiar voice, deep, panicked, hoarse, screaming somewhere nearby. Whimpering, just beside him. He reaches out a hand, finds another. Uses it to drag himself over. Upright. Blood. Blood, in the snow, in his eyes, on the ground, mingling with tears. Bone, visible through ripped flesh. Too far gone. His hand hits something hard as he turns to find the source of a horrible, awful, grieving wail. Pain. His breath hitches in his throat when he tries to pull himself back to his knees. A man, hung from a seatbelt. Neck snapped. A woman, weeping, hiccupping on blood in her mouth. His fingers find glass, glass, plastic, metal- the defibrillator. The woman shudders, convulses, falls still. He wills himself to move. Closer. Quicker. The smell of gasoline. Light, but no sound. Darkness.

  


 

Kravitz wakes slowly, drenched in freezing sweat, then quickly, glass shards pricking his skin. All at once, his eyes snap open, his heartbeat resumes, his lungs fill. He chokes back a wet sob. Watches his hands tremble. He’s clean, dry, warm. It’s over. He’s awake. Early morning light streams in through half-open curtains, and Kravitz sighs.  
  
He closes his eyes and draws in a deep breath. Opens his eyes and lets it out. Raven is purring at the end of the bed, blinking slowly and kneading the quilt.  
  
He breathes in. Breathes out. His fingers trace the scars on his hands and arms, so small they’re almost unnoticeable. His hands slide up to his shoulders to his neck. Right hand into his hair- thick, dark, long, physical. Left hand behind his ear to trace the ridge of scar tissue- deep, stretching from below his earlobe up and back into his hair.  
  
He breathes in. Breathes out. Right hand meets left and gathers his locs into a mess on top of his head. Ties it up off of his neck.  
  
He breathes in. Breathes out. Swings his legs off the bed, rests his bare feet on the cool floor. Begins listing the bones of the body, starting in his toes and working his way up. By the time he reaches lumbar vertebrae L2, Kravitz has managed to stand completely and take six steps away from the bed. He breathes in once more and holds it while he stretches, lets it out as he turns back to face the bed. Raven arches into a long stretch and straightens back out with a loud meow.  
  
Kravitz picks her up and smiles wordlessly, carrying her into the kitchen. Her purr rumbles through his hands and in his chest. She refuses to let him put her down until he’s turned on the radio, drank a glass of water, and fetched a can of wet food. He scoops it into her dish, but she doesn’t eat. Instead, she stares at him with expectant eyes while he heats oatmeal in the microwave. It isn’t until he’s sitting at the table lifting a spoon to his mouth that she trills and begins eating her own breakfast.  
  
“Thank you, Raven.”  
  
The black cat’s only response is a flick of her ear as she eats. Kravitz rubs at his eyes with a groan. His voice feels rough and unused after the nightmare. But he’s wearing pajama pants and a sweater, and he vaguely remembers feeding Raven sometime in the night. If he fed Raven, he must have talked to her. Unless he had woken up from a nightmare beforehand. He doesn’t feel quite that tired, though, so he must have gotten sleep at some point in the night.  
  
Raven leaps into Kravitz’s lap when she’s finished her meal and waits patiently for him to empty his bowl of oatmeal. A voice on the radio rattles off the name of the song that’s just finished before launching into an update on traffic and the weather, then the time. ‘A beautiful Saturday morning’ it says, and Kravitz rubs Raven’s neck.  
  
“I’ll have to leave you for a while, darling. The Rockseeker funeral is in three hours, I need to get going.”  
  
  
  
And, no matter how hard he tries, Kravitz can’t quite remember why he woke up in the night, or why a slight feeling of guilt has persisted in the back of his mind since he cleared his head over breakfast. He showers, fixes his hair, and dresses. Kisses the top of Raven’s head, drops his wallet into his messenger bag, and locks his apartment behind him. Walks the seven blocks to the nearest church, turns right, and walks the remaining eleven to the cemetery. Turns left, walks four blocks to the funeral home and attached mortuary, and lets himself in. Sees the heart-shaped floral arrangement around Gundren Rockseeker’s gruff picture.  
  
“Ah. Damnit.”  
  
Barry’s ceramic heart, of course. _“I’m Taako, and I stole your heart.”_ Kravitz doesn’t know if he should laugh or groan. He does both. He’s going to have to track down that elf to get the heart back, and something tells him it won’t be easy. Kravitz remembers Taako as being gorgeous in a way that is completely unattainable. Which, of course, means Kravitz is never going to be able to find him again.  
  
Kravitz puzzles over this dilemma for the rest of the day, save for the period between when Mr. Rockseeker’s family begins to arrive for the funeral and when a stout dwarf with flowers braided into his beard shakes Kravitz’s hand and gruffly thanks him for all his hard work. The encounter slips from his mind the moment the last of the guests leaves the funeral home.  
  
The casket has gone with the hearse driver and so have most of the floral arrangements. Kravitz takes the last bouquet from the entry hall and places it beside his messenger bag in the morgue. He spends nearly two hours cleaning the funeral home and another tidying the morgue before he checks the clock on the wall- this he supposes, is why Sloane had bought him a wristwatch- and sighs. His phone buzzes in his pocket.  
  
_So sorry to cancel, darling, but there seems to be an emergency with Istus’s fundraiser. Can we reschedule for tomorrow night?_  
  
Kravitz rolls his eyes, but huffs a small, private laugh as he texts his mother back. She seems genuinely upset that she isn’t going to be able to take her son to dinner, but he finds that he’s glad. He loves his mother, but Ravenna De Atta is a force to be reckoned with, and he’s not sure he can handle that much unchecked affection right now. Although, without dinner plans with his mother, Kravitz is going to have to cook for himself. He hadn’t planned for that. He checks the time again and contemplates his options. If he leaves now, he might be able to pick up groceries and get home before Raven complains too much about him being late.

  


 

The lights in this store are too bright, Kravitz thinks. He tends to do most of his shopping closer to home, so he doesn’t have to risk taking the bus, but this store was closer to the funeral home, and he only needed a few things for dinner. He had decided it wouldn’t be too risky, but now he’s not sure. He’s managed to find himself deep in the aisles of a store that only sells bulk and organic foods, and he feels lost. Maybe he should just stop somewhere else. A gas station, for a sandwich. But then Raven will be jealous of the greasy fast-food smell. Shit.  
  
“Can I help you find anyth- oh fuck.”  
  
Kravitz frowns, startled both by the vaguely familiar voice and the expletive. He turns, and-  
  
“Oh. It’s _you_.”  
  
The elf lets out a small, nervous giggle, his ears twitching with some repressed emotion. He’s not wearing as much makeup as he was last night, but the sparkly eyeliner still highlights his hazel eyes impressively. The smattering of freckles across his cheeks is even more attractive when Kravitz can see it properly. He feels warmth in his chest, a vague repeat of the night he isn’t sure he remembers correctly. The elf takes a single step back from Kravitz, twisting his employee’s apron into a knot between his hands.  
  
“Look, homeboy doesn’t want any trouble, if you’re mad you can just, uh-”  
  
Kravitz smiles easily, before he can think better of it. Or think at all, for that matter. “It’s Taako, right? You stole my heart.”  
  
Taako’s cheeks and the tips of his ears flush bright pink. The blush fades just as quickly as it had appeared. He clears his throat almost uneasily, regarding Kravitz with no small amount of uncertainty in his eyes.  
  
“Uh. Yeah. Sorry about that, I guess? I was, uh, uh… um. I was fuckin’ blasted last night, my dude, I stole the heart as a joke. It was a damn good outro though, right? I mean, of course it was, it’s _me_ , but-” he cuts himself off and purses his lips for a moment. “Listen, you want the shitty heart back, you can have it. I dunno what kind of vibe you’re going for here-” he punctuates this by waving a hand vaguely at Kravitz “-but if the heart is meant to go with those dumb cufflinks then have at it.”  
  
Kravitz finds himself repressing laughter and shakes his head. “Uh. I would like the heart back, if it isn’t too much trouble. My friend would be rather disappointed if he knew I lost it two hours after I got it.”  
  
Taako grins. “Oh, right, okay. So that was a birthday present too, yeah? Kinda thought it was just you and your whole bone daddy aesthetic.”  
  
This time, Kravitz does actually laugh. He doesn’t, however, catch the pleased look in Taako’s eyes. “What do you think I am, Death itself?”  
  
“Well.”  
  
“I’m just a mortician, Taako. I don’t kill people.”  
  
“Hey, what’s an elf supposed to think, huh? Handsome fella shows up in all black, has a weird penchant for bones and weird stone hearts? Besides, homie, it’s not like you ever gave me a name.”  
  
“Oh.” This surprises Kravitz, and he feels shame crawling on the back of his neck. He quickly holds out a hand to Taako. “I’m Kravitz. And I’m not Death, I promise.”  
  
Taako eyes Kravitz’s hand as if it’s going to bite him, but his smile is genuine when he slides his fingers into it. They stay still for a moment as Kravitz waits for a handshake to begin, but Taako doesn’t seem to want to. Then it clicks, and Kravitz lowers his head to press a kiss to Taako’s knuckles. The elf freezes like he wasn’t quite expecting that to actually work, then shakes his head as if to clear it.  
  
“Right. Well you’re in my domain now, thug, so whatcha lookin’ your eyes at?”  
  
Kravitz bites the inside of his cheek to keep from smiling. Taako has made him smile far too much already. “Don’t laugh, alright? I have… _no_ idea. I’ve never been in a store like this. I was hoping for something quick to eat tonight so I don’t have to get a sandwich from the gas station on my way home.”  
  
Taako makes a face like he’s physically pained by the idea. “Okay, you can’t tell my manager, but… I’m gonna hook you up. Taako’s got the inside scoop on the best fuckin’ _everything_ so stay close and pay attention.”  
  
Kravitz finds that he is more than happy to be guided through the store by Taako tugging at his elbow and dropping things into his basket. The whole time, Taako is rattling off instructions about how long to cook the pasta, exactly what temperature the skillet should be, what width he should cut the peppers so that they’re julienned, what if they met up somewhere tomorrow night?  
  
Kravitz blinks out of his reverie, watching Taako with wide eyes. “Um. Sorry, what?”  
  
Taako huffs exaggeratedly, a few stray blonde hairs floating up away from his face. “I said, if you’re free tomorrow night I can meet you somewhere and give back that stupid heart.”  
  
“Oh, of course, yes.”  
  
Kravitz winces a little. He’s agreed far too quickly. Taako seems pleased, though, practically preening in front of him. Kravitz is struck once again by how beautiful and untouchable this elf is, and something tightens in his chest. Taako sticks out a slender, expectant hand.  
  
“Gimme your phone, bone daddy, and text me when you hopelessly mess up your dinner tonight.”  
  
Kravitz hands over his cell phone. “I’m not totally hopeless, Taako, I know how to cook.”  
  
Taako crooks one eyebrow without bothering to look up at Kravitz. “Sure thing, homie, I believe you.” He does not believe him, Kravitz is sure of that.  
  
They part after Taako leads Kravitz to an empty register and rings up the groceries he’s picked out. Taako hands a paper bag to Kravitz, brushing their hands together and making the contact linger for longer than is strictly necessary. The warm feeling in Kravitz’s chest doesn’t subside for the rest of the night, not even when it starts raining three blocks from his apartment building, or when Raven wails about her dinner being late, or when he has to suck up his pride and text Taako saying _‘I forgot how wide to julienne the peppers’._


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Things got a little busy, so this chapter is towards the far end of the update schedule. Hoping to have chapter four up in about 3 days!!

It’s raining when Taako’s shift ends. Not that he’s been doing his work anyway- for the past twenty minutes, he’s been in the break room texting Kravitz (quickly and affectionately saving the mortician in his phone as Bone Daddy) about how to cook his dinner. This buoys Taako’s mood through the rain ruining his hair and makeup because he forgot his umbrella at home, as well as keeping him relatively sane while riding the bus to Magnus’s apartment. Texting Kravitz does not, however, keep Taako from vehemently cursing when he opens the door to the apartment and is promptly ambushed by ninety pounds of slobber and fur.

“Maggie! Get your filthy mutt off me!”

A man with nearly as much hair on his body as the dog leans back to peer towards the doorway. “Fisher! C’mere, girl, leave Taako alone.”

The giant dog bounds back over to where Magnus is sitting on the floor in front of his small tv, whittling knife in hand. Taako closes the door gently behind himself and hangs his jacket on the coat rack. Magnus grimaces as Taako flops onto the couch behind him.

“Why are you all wet?”

“Took a shower. Shoulda joined me, my dude, it was hot.”

Magnus snorts and brushes wood shavings off his legs. Fisher promptly fills the vacated space, and Magnus pats her fondly before he continues whittling. The two men sit in silence for nearly twenty minutes while Magnus carves details into the duck he’s whittled and Taako continues to text Kravitz. Finally, Magnus glances over his shoulder and catches sight of the elf’s small smile.

“Who’re you talking to?”

“Bone daddy.”

“Bone- what?”

Taako doesn’t look away from his phone. “Stopped at the club last night after we left The Davy Lamp. Stole some dude’s heart, now he wants it back.”

When silence follows this statement, Taako’s hazel eyes slide over to meet Magnus’s stunned brown ones.

“What?”

“Nothing, just…” Magnus trails off with a chuckle. “Just wondering how you can be so calm about someone falling in love with you overnight.”

Taako’s cheeks flush. His fingers pause only for a moment before he’s texting rapidly again, this time carefully avoiding Magnus’s gaze. “Everyone falls in love with me, Mags, I’m _Taako_. But I, uh. Stole his heart in more of a literal sense.”

“…What the hell.”

“Hey, fuckin’ nerd has a whole grim reaper aesthetic going and left a ceramic heart just lying around. What am I supposed to do, leave it?”

“Yes…?”

“No! S’posed to take it and pawn it. God, Maggie, how did you pay for college?”

“I didn’t,” Magnus laughs, “I went to trade school and took over the woodshop.”

Taako hums to affirm that he’s heard Magnus and chosen to ignore him. Magnus rolls his eyes. He slips his whittling knife into a case and sets the wooden duck aside. Fisher whines when he pushes her off his lap so he can stand up, but immediately climbs onto the couch to crush Taako. Magnus stretches, and Taako briefly wonders how much energy such a large man expends on such a simple action.

“Well, I’m gonna make some grub. Wanna help, Taako?”

“Nope. Not hungry. Feel free to bring a bottle of vodka out, though. I’m in the mood to do dumb shit.”

When Magnus returns, Taako’s phone is on the floor and the elf is curled into a ball, absently nudging Fisher with one foot. Magnus sighs and sits back down, a plate of pizza rolls on his lap. Taako grunts when he notes the absence of alcohol and calls Magnus a few choice names. Magnus rolls his eyes.

“We’re not drinking without Merle. He went to his cousin’s funeral today, remember?”

Taako groans and buries his face in the arm of the couch. His voice is spectacularly muffled when he replies. “Fuck Merle. I want to get wasted. He’d understand.”

“If you want to fuck Merle, that’s your business. I’d rather hear you gossip about your new boo.”

“Fuck you.”

“Maybe some other time, yeah?”

Without removing his face from the couch, Taako reaches out a hand and slaps Magnus’s shoulder. Magnus feeds Fisher a pizza roll, then attempts to do the same to Taako, who ignores it. He’s known Taako long enough to know that not all of his mood swings have reasons. So they sit in relative silence while Magnus eats, and finally Taako draws a deep breath and rolls back over.

“Your couch smells like ass.”

“Your ass smells like couch.”

Taako makes a face. “Stop sniffing my ass.”

Magnus grins and holds out another pizza roll. This time, Taako takes it, though he regards it like ingesting it will kill him. Which, he thinks, it might. It did come from Magnus’s freezer, after all. He rolls onto his side so he can scrabble one hand on the floor for his phone. Magnus slides it closer with a knowing smile. Taako resists the urge to kick him.

“You gonna turn on Fantasy Top Chef or what?” Taako snaps five minutes later, when Kravitz has taken more than three minutes to reply and Magnus is still trying to feed him pizza rolls. 

Magnus shrugs. “Finish the pizza rolls and I’ll think about it.”

“… No.”

“You can give two of them to Fisher.”

“Homeboy doesn’t want to feed your dumb dog,” Taako says, but he takes the plate anyway.

Fisher seems content to watch him eat until he offers her the last two, at which point she stands up, steals the plate, and makes her way to the other side of the room so she can eat in peace. Magnus takes the opportunity to pull himself up onto the couch. Taako promptly drapes his legs over Magnus’s lap. 

Taako chews on his lip while Magnus flips through the channels on the tv, thinking about how everything would be so much easier if he could function like a normal person. But, of course, that isn’t a viable option. He sighs and tosses his phone across the room. Magnus glances over but doesn’t say anything, not even when Taako pointedly pretends he can’t hear the phone vibrating with a text from Kravitz.

“Hey, Magnus?”

“Yeah.”

Taako stops with his mouth open, considering what he’s about to ask. He clamps his jaw shut instead, ears drooping a bit in embarrassment. It’s only been three months, he reminds himself. There’s no need to bring up Julia, no matter how badly he wants to ask about her. Hearing Julia's name would only hurt Magnus.

“You’re breathing too loud for cha’boy to hear the tv.”

 

Taako wakes up to a loud crash from the kitchen and a wet dog nose sniffing entirely too close to his face. He blinks groggily and pushes himself up onto one elbow. A blanket falls from his shoulder to pool around his waist.

“The fuck…?”

“Morning, Taako!”

Ah, right. He’d fallen asleep on Magnus’s couch. Taako shoves Fisher’s face away from his own, still half asleep. Fuck. Hopefully the dreams hadn’t been too bad last night. He doesn’t deal well with guilt, and he doesn’t want to be responsible for keeping Magnus up half the night. 

Magnus seems awake enough, however, as he plops down on the floor by Taako’s feet, simultaneously fending off a curious Fisher and handing Taako a plate of scrambled eggs. Taako’s not sure if the flecks of black are burnt spots or pepper, at first glance. He tastes the eggs tentatively. Ah. Both burnt spots and pepper. Excellent.

“Don’t you have to go to work or something?”

“Aw, gimme a break, it’s Sunday. Even you’ve got the day off,” Magnus says, mumbling around a mouthful of eggs. Good gods, he’s drenched them in ketchup. Taako tries not to grimace.

“What time is it?”

“Almost noon.”

“Fuck. That means Merle.”

“And here you were, wanting to fuck him just last night.”

Taako shoots Magnus a withering look. “If you’re going to mock me, homie, you’re gonna have to use something that actually hurts. Accusing me of wanting to sleep with our dad is just… blech.”

Magnus busts into laughter. For a moment, it hurts Taako to consider that this is Magnus’s default state: happy, ready to laugh at anything. It’s been too long since that had been Taako’s default mood. And yet, he’d felt that tickling warmth again just recently. He shovels a forkful of eggs into his mouth to banish the thought that it was with the unfairly handsome goth nerd he’d stolen from.

Taako lingers at Magnus’s apartment for most of the day, even after Merle appears and decides to tell them all about Pan church that morning. It isn’t until Magnus is on the brink of telling Merle about ‘Taako’s new boo’ that Taako even remembers his phone laying on the floor across the living room. He snatches it and yells a quick farewell as he pulls his jacket from the hook and slams the door to Magnus’s apartment.

Another minute in there and he would have had to endure Merle trying to read Taako’s texts while Magnus gossiped like a middle-aged mom.

Taako’s apartment feels empty after being at Magnus’s. He drops his jacket by the door and kicks off his shoes, not bothering to watch where they fly. The rest of his clothing follows suit, as well as everything he’s carrying, save for his phone. He’s not sure if he should be hurt or offended that he has three texts from Kravitz. The first must be the one that came in right after he threw his phone yesterday, a continuation of their conversation. The second, a goodnight text maybe an hour later. And the third, sent sometime this morning, asking if Taako is alright and apologizing if Kravitz had said something wrong.

Taako sits heavily on the edge of his bed, practically gnawing on his lip as he stares down at the texts. He draws in a deep breath and sends a text before he can stop himself, then tosses his phone again. It doesn’t buzz immediately. Taako isn’t sure if that’s better or worse for his jittery nerves. He decides that a scalding shower will wash off the grime of a day in the store and a night with Magnus and Fisher.

When Taako steps out of the bathroom, wrapped in a towel and dragging a comb through his hair, his phone has a blinking notification light. His stomach churns as he opens the message, eyes skipping over the previous two at the same time.

_Just checking to see if you’re alright. I apologize if I said something last night to make you uncomfortable._

_meet me @ the chug’n’squeeze if u want ur dumb heart back_

_Looking forward to it. What time?_

Warmth blossoms through Taako’s chest, despite how hard he tries to stomp it down. 

 

When Taako has been standing outside the Chug and Squeeze for three minutes, having arrived late himself, and Kravitz has not shown up yet, he considers ditching the whole plan. It was a stupid idea, he thinks, too much like he’s somehow conning Kravitz into a date. But he wants to try out the whole wine and pottery fad, and sue him if he thought it might be nice to have some company. 

Taako sighs, tapping the toe of his boot on the ground. He was too excited for this, he realizes, and blows a raspberry at nothing. He checks the time on his phone. He’d said 7:30, he’s sure of it. And he himself hadn’t gotten here until nearly 7:45. Now, it’s going on 7:50 and he’s still standing alone. It’s not raining again, which is a plus, but it _is_ damn cold. Taako wraps his arms around himself and shivers, then huffs in frustration and pulls open the door.

There is one empty table left near the back, clearly the one Taako had reserved for himself and Kravitz. There are two chairs and two bottles of wine. Taako pulls his scarf and cardigan off, draping both on the coat rack behind his table. He uncorks the first bottle he grabs and pours until his glass is quite a bit fuller than it has any right to be.

Movement across the room catches his eye. Taako looks up to see Carey and Killian waving at him excitedly, each holding one of their bottles of wine. They have clearly decided to forgo glasses and drink it straight, one bottle apiece. Taako rolls his eyes, but lifts his glass as a salute. The two women turn their attention back to the front of the room as the instructor starts talking about how they’re going to make vases. Thank gods the portly little man started the class when he did, else Taako would be sitting here while his friends made a scene by talking to him without either of them leaving their tables.

A wash of cold air startles Taako out of his thoughts, goosebumps popping up on his bare arms. Kravitz slides into the seat beside him, looking a bit flustered and out of breath. He gives Taako an apologetic smile.

“I am so sorry I’m late, Taako, I got lost on the way. I’ve, uh- I haven’t really been in this part of town for a while.”

Taako feels his ears twitch. He tries hard to banish the squirming happy feeling in his gut. He waves his hand dismissively, grinning at Kravitz behind his glass of wine.  
“Not your fault, bone daddy. I’m sure it’s hard to keep time when you’re reapin’ all them tasty souls.”

Kravitz stifles a snort. “I’m not going to justify that by replying.”

“Just did, handsome.”

Gods, that blush is adorable. It seems to seep out of Kravitz’s cheeks into his neck, and Taako can’t decide if he wants to kiss Kravitz or compliment him until that blush is all he can see. Kravitz clears his throat. He rolls up his sleeves and reaches tentatively for the clay.

“S-so, uh. What… what exactly are we making?”

“Uhhhhh… a vase?” Taako stretches up in his seat a little so he can crane his neck and check out what Carey and Killian are doing. “Yeah, vases.”

“And how does one make a vase?”

Taako bites down on a giggle. He doesn’t miss the way Kravitz’s eyes linger on the lip Taako has drawn between his teeth before they dart back to the lump of clay on the table. It’s crazy, maybe, but witnessing that makes it easier for Taako to set his wine down and place his hands on top of Kravitz’s to guide them. Kravitz’s hands are still cold from behind outside. Taako’s fingers itch to hold on tight, but he forces himself to help Kravitz shape the vase. They speak in low tones the whole time, managing to finish the first bottle of wine. It’s when Taako uncorks the second bottle that the conversation shifts.

“Can I ask you something, Taako?”

“Have at it, thug.”

“Why are you working in a grocery store? You- you’re _amazing_ , and it… it just doesn’t seem right that you’re holed up wearing a screen-printed apron.”

Taako contemplates how he’s going to answer. He draws in a deep breath to steady himself once he decides not to lie, but he still has to avoid Kravitz’s gaze so his voice doesn’t shake.

“I’m afraid of what could happen if I tried anything else. I- the only thing homeboy is good at is cooking, okay, and that’s not an option, so… someplace with a low profile where I can still work with food is my best bet.”

Taako can feel Kravitz’s eyes on him, but he doesn’t look away from their vase. Not until Kravitz catches him off-guard with the next question.

“So why are you here tonight?”

Taako’s breath hitches. He tilts his head just enough that he can peer up at Kravitz through his eyelashes, searching the other man’s face for some hint of deception or disappointment.

“Because I’m worried no one else will have me.”


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter contains explicit descriptions of a panic attack related to Taako's past.

There’s a moment of silence in which Taako is sure that he’s fucked up whatever this is by being so honest. He has to have- honesty is _not_ Taako’s best color. But then Kravitz twines his fingers with Taako and smiles hesitantly. Kravitz guides the conversation back away from the unexpected intimacy of his questions, and Taako finds that he is grateful for that. It’s a strange thing, he thinks, watching Kravitz’s thumb rub over the back of his hand, to feel gratitude over something so minor.

At the end of the night, they wash their hands in a little basin that’s already smeared with clay and fetch their vase from the instructor. It’s a bit knobbly in shape- Kravitz had done most of the work after Taako showed him how to- but the detail in the engravings is fucking perfect, if Taako has any say in it. Kravitz helps Taako back into his cardigan before he shrugs on his own coat, and Taako has to bite down on a smile. Gods, this was ill-thought-out. He’s turning into a fucking sap.

There aren’t many stars visible when you live in the heart of Neverwinter, but stargazing is the perfect excuse for Taako to loop his arm through Kravitz’s as they walk. They don’t talk much, but the silence feels comfortable. It isn’t heavy and dangerous like it is when Taako is alone. Slow clouds cover the few remaining stars, and Kravitz sighs.

“I’d like to walk you home, Taako, but I also need to be getting back to my apartment. I have a cat that’ll be waiting to yell at me for not giving her food sooner.”

A cat. Hmm. Taako sneaks a glance at Kravitz and shakes his head softly a moment later. Of course he would have a cat. Being a cat person fits his demeanor.

“Well. This had better be one damn impressive cat, if you’re leaving behind ol’ Taako to go home.”

Kravitz stops walking, but doesn’t allow Taako to slip out of his grasp. “Be honest, Taako, was tonight for business or pleasure?”

“Um. A bit of both, really. I have to give back the heart, right, so bone daddy can get back to his usual dramatic flair, but… well. Let’s just leave it at that, yeah?”

For a moment, it seems like Kravitz might say something, but then he purses his lips and nods once. Taako suddenly has the urge to do… _something_ , but gods if he knows what it is. He can feel his ears twitching, his brow furrowing. Kravitz tips his head to the side, watching Taako’s face with an expression of curious wonder. And then a raindrop spatters on the tip of Taako’s nose and he lets out a vicious curse.

Laughter bubbles from Kravitz’s lips and the sound brings Taako’s entire being to a standstill. It’s almost as if Kravitz has startled himself with his own amusement and the surprise lasts for a second before he settles into his laugh. Taako’s chest feels tight. He can feel his cheeks and ears burning and shoves at Kravitz’s chest. Kravitz just laughs harder and pulls Taako close.

“Sorry, sorry,” he says when his mirth subsides enough that he can talk again. “I promise I’m not laughing at you, Taako, I just-” Kravitz steps back so he can see Taako’s face again, hands on Taako’s shoulders “-I have had a wonderful time with you tonight. And I remember I was rather drunk last time I asked, so… can I see you again?”

_Probably not_ , Taako had said. The words hover on the tip of his tongue. This not-quite-date already feels more official than any of the flings he’s ever had. He should break it off now. Give Kravitz back the ceramic heart and call these past two days a fluke. But the fluttering in his chest stops him.

“Sure. But cha’boy is keeping your dumb heart as collateral.”

 

Taako is mystified when the giddiness of talking to Kravitz hasn’t worn off two weeks later. By then, they’ve gone on three official dates and Kravitz has stopped by the store almost every day on his way home. Taako still hasn’t been to Kravitz’s apartment, but he’s seen pictures of the cat- Raven, he reminds himself- and she seems far more favorable to lounge around with than Magnus’s bear of a dog.

Between this _thing_ with Kravitz (Taako is refusing to label it as a relationship, lest something goes wrong) and the time he usually spends with Magnus and Merle, adding time with Angus on top of that, Taako doesn’t realize the date until he’s on lunch break at work. 

He’s heating up cold pasta in the microwave and checking his phone for messages from Kravitz when he sees it. Immediately, his stomach wrenches into a knot. The phone clatters to the floor unnoticed as Taako lurches across the room and dry-heaves into the sink. His eyes burn as tears well up, unwanted and incriminating, washing a path through his makeup. 

Taako hears footsteps behind him, light feet that enter the breakroom, pause, and then rush over to his side. A small hand pats carefully at his back. He refuses to turn away from the sink, instead dry heaving again as another wave of nausea washes over him.

“Oh, Taako, you should have told me you were sick! I woulda told Pa to let you stay home,” Noelle says, concern in her eyes when Taako finally looks at her. He feels like his whole body is shaking. “You should head out, Taako, really. I can close up the store. Want me to call Magnus to pick you up?”

Taako’s breath catches in his throat. Noelle doesn’t know that he’s not sick- not truly- but there’s no way he can let her bother Magnus with this. That man has been through enough in the past few months, he doesn’t need to deal with Taako right now. 

“No! N-no, I’m fine, really. Cha’boy just had some bad shrimp earlier. I’ll, uh. Take the bus. Don’t… don’t bother Mags, he’s busy today anyway.”

Noelle purses her lips, but nods. “Alright. But you’re goin’, yeah? I’m gonna kick yer ass outta this store myself if you don’t go home and get some rest right now!”

Taako manages a breathy laugh. He doesn’t even convince himself. “Sure thing, half-pint.”

True to her word, Noelle dogs Taako’s steps through the store. She pats his elbow as he steps out of the door with a half-hearted wave, and Taako manages to make it down the block and around the corner before he collapses. His chest heaves as he struggles to draw breath. He should have called Magnus. Or Merle. Kravitz, even. Somebody who could take him home instead of letting him have a breakdown on an empty sidewalk. 

Oh, gods. A sidewalk. That’s fucking disgusting. This thought steels Taako enough that he drags himself back to his feet and leans against a building to catch his breath. There’s no way he’ll manage to make it back home walking, and the bus is too slow. Gods, if he breaks down in a taxi, though, it’ll be hell paying the driver. 

Taako ends up walking the nineteen blocks to his apartment building. The walk takes him nearly three hours, and he’s shaking so badly by the time he closes his door behind him that he collapses to the floor without locking it. He’s not sure how long he lays there, a rumpled heap, before he curls in on himself and squeezes as hard as he can. It doesn’t help. He can hear his own breath in his ears, ragged and uneven.

Somewhere close by, his phone begins to vibrate. _Shit_. He’d made plans with Kravitz for tonight. Kravitz was going to- oh, _gods_. The buzzing stops, then starts up again. Taako can barely move enough to roll over and smack at the screen, hoping it will make the awful sound stop. It does, and for a moment, the silence is blissful before it becomes all-encompassing and infinite, crushing him under its gravity, stealing the breath from his lungs. Then:

_“Taako? Are you there? I, um, I was just calling to make sure it was still alright if I picked you up from your apartment. If not, I- I can wait here. I’m outside the building, I was going to wait until you were comfortable to, um, uh… T-Taako?”_

Taako knows he has to answer. He has to tell Kravitz to go away, to leave him alone, because if he doesn’t- if Kravitz sees him like this- gods, Taako can’t unclench his jaw. The sound of a small, keening whine reaches his ears before he registers that he’s the one making that noise. Kravitz’s tone changes on the phone.

_“Taako? Please answer me. Are you hurt? I- I’m coming up, Taako. Talk to me if you can, alright? Please. I’m on the stairs right now. Your text said you live on the fourth floor? Hold on, I’m on the third, I’ll- please, Taako, I can’t hear you anymore. This is- I think this is yours. Gods, this will be awkward if it isn’t. I’m going to knock, okay, and if you don’t answer, I’m coming in.”_

Sure enough, there’s the sound of approaching footsteps just outside the door, then a gentle knock. Taako curls tighter on himself, dreading what’s going to come next. Kravitz will open the door, he’ll see, he’ll leave, he’ll-

“Oh, _Taako_ …”

The warmth of a nearby body hovers over Taako’s skin, but Kravitz doesn’t touch him. Instead, he picks up the phone and sets it on the table by the door, then carefully closes and locks the door. He kneels beside Taako as the elf begins to tremble again. Every part of Taako feels flighty and insecure right now, like his body might fall apart if his mind forgets to keep it together. Kravitz seems to be checking him for injuries without ever actually touching him, and Taako doesn’t deserve this kind of care. This kind of unrestrained affection. His gut twists.

Taako jerks away from Kravitz like he’s been burned. His ears are pressed flat against his neck in terror, and the thought that Kravitz might think he’s behind this blind panic sends Taako spiraling. He finds his legs again suddenly and makes a mad dash for the bathroom, barely making it to the toilet before he dry heaves once, twice, vomits stomach bile.

Gentle hands pull hair away from Taako’s face and hold it back as he convulses, emptying his stomach into the toilet. He should have eaten something more substantial this morning. Maybe then he could actually pretend he was ill. Instead, it’s just hot, painful knots in his abdomen and burning in his throat as acid leaves his stomach. He feels himself shaking. A sob escapes his throat, almost as raw and abhorrent as his guilt. Finally, Taako manages to look over his shoulder at Kravitz.

He’s got makeup smeared all over his face and his hair is a mess. This is, quite possibly, the worst Kravitz could ever see him at, both physically and mentally. He expects to find disgust, even just a little, but there is no such thing in Kravitz’s face. His dark eyes are filled with concern and the pinch between his eyebrows speaks of worry that cannot be put into words.

“I’m sorry,” Taako says, his voice miserable.

Kravitz adjusts his hand so he can brush back a piece of hair that’s been plastered to Taako’s forehead by sweat. He smiles so softly that Taako can feel his heart breaking. “You can tell me all about why you’re sorry when you wake up. Right now, I think it would be best for you to get some rest.”

Taako nods. It feels like his brain is rattling around in his skull when he does. “Will you stay with me?”

“Until you ask me to leave.”

 

Consciousness comes to Taako slowly, in the form of a hand carding through his hair while his pulse beats erratically against the inside of his head like a bass drum. He groans, and distantly registers the feeling of a kiss on his forehead. 

“I wanted to let you sleep longer,” Kravitz says, “but you were getting restless. I figured it was probably a bad dream, so I tried to wake you as carefully as I could. Would you like to try meditating for a while instead?”

Taako shakes his head. He curls closer to Kravitz, pressing his face into the man’s chest. Kravitz’s arms encircle Taako and squeeze lightly and- that. That’s what he needs. That pressure, genuine and physical, reminding him where he is and that he’s real. He whimpers against Kravitz’s shirt before he can help himself, and then he’s crying. It’s not quite the desperate, primal outbursts he’s had in the past, but it still feels like he’s resetting a bone. It hurts, deeply, but it will help soon.

Kravitz continues to hold Taako the entire time he cries, occasionally rubbing his back or kissing the top of his head. Eventually, Taako shifts and pulls out of Kravitz’s embrace so he can sit up. He draws in a shaky breath. Avoids Kravitz’s gaze when he says, “I won’t blame you if you leave, now.”

Kravitz pushes himself upright, reaching over to take Taako’s hand in his own. “Taako, look at me. Please?” When Taako works up the courage to turn, Kravitz’s expression is so sincere and vulnerable that he nearly starts crying again. “I understand if you can’t tell me what’s going on. I understand if you don’t want me to see you like this. I understand if you really, truly want me to go. But… I don’t want to leave. You’re hurt, Taako, something awful, and… I can’t heal you. But I want to help, in any way that you let me. Taako, I- please.”

Taako sniffles. Wipes his nose with his free hand and makes a face when it comes away snotty. Chews on his lip while he weighs his options. Nods, just once.

“Okay. But I still get to keep that stupid heart as insurance, right?”

The soft laugh escapes Kravitz before he can stop it. He raises Taako’s hand to his lips and presses a kiss to each of his knuckles. “Of course you can, Taako. You stole that heart fair and square.”

“Good. Cause gods know bone daddy has got enough goth nerd shit already.”

“Oh, please. You haven’t even seen my apartment, you don’t know what’s in there.”

“The cat is proof enough.”

Kravitz rolls his eyes, and the smile he gives Taako is almost blinding with how tender it is. Taako takes a deep breath to steady himself. He squeezes Kravitz’s hand with his own, watching how his dark eyes light up at the affirmative contact.

“Listen, Kravitz, I- I’m not a perfect person. I’m not good to be around. And I…. I-I’m not ready to talk about exactly how much of a hot fuckin’ mess I am, okay? I just… I just want to be near you, right now, no talking required. And if you, uh, if you’re… _cool_ with that, then I…”

“Taako. It’s alright. Like I said earlier, I won’t leave until you ask me to. No talking necessary, if you’ll allow me to, I- I will stay.”


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Mentions of attempted murder, actual murder, and attempted suicide in this chapter. (Despite that I maintain a personal belief that it's a happy chapter!)
> 
> This chapter is a little bit shorter, but I promise we're getting into heavier stuff!

Kravitz stays with Taako on the bed for nearly an hour, talking in low tones. Neither mention anything more about Taako’s breakdown or the sudden turn for the serious that their casual relationship has taken. Mostly, they talk about Raven and Fisher- who, Kravitz learns, is a dog that belongs to a man named Magnus. It’s close to nine pm when Kravitz hears Taako’s stomach gurgle. He smacks himself mentally.

“We have got to get some food in you, Taako, your stomach is completely empty.”

Taako grimaces, his ears flopping like he’s embarrassed. Kravitz barely manages to keep himself from reaching out to touch those ears. Gods, Taako is beautiful. And far more expressive than one would expect from an elf who keeps his secrets so closely guarded.

“Not really hungry,” Taako mumbles, tracing patterns onto the sheet with slender fingers.

Kravitz frowns, but he nods. “Alright. Do you have tea? I can put on a pot while you shower, if you want. I’m willing to bet it’ll make you feel better.”

Taako hums noncommittally. Kravitz isn’t sure if he’s going to comply or not, but then Taako slides off the bed and disappears into what Kravitz assumes is the bathroom. Sure enough, he hears the shower turn on a moment later.

When Taako emerges, wearing pajama shorts and an oversized hoodie that says _The Hammer & Tongs_ in cracked lettering, Kravitz pours steaming water into two mugs. Taako’s hair is wet, but not dripping. Only now does Kravitz realize just how long it is, the moisture weighing it down so it hangs past Taako’s waist. Kravitz doesn’t bother trying to squash the surge of affection he feels for the elf when Taako wordlessly takes a mug of tea from him and then turns to enter the living room and collapse onto the couch.

Kravitz nudges Taako’s feet until he moves them. Once he’s sat down, Kravitz pulls Taako’s legs onto his lap. They drink their tea in relative silence- Kravitz is pleased to see that Taako is nursing his mug instead of outright ignoring it. Once Kravitz has finished his tea, he sets the mug on the floor so he can turn just a bit and settle on the couch more comfortably. Taako hums as Kravitz begins rubbing his feet.

It’s strange, Kravitz thinks, that two weeks ago Taako hadn’t been a part of his life. That his first encounter with the elf had been catching him in the act of attempting to steal wallets. The only thing Taako had successfully snagged that night was the ceramic heart. _“I’m Taako, and I stole your heart.”_ And boy howdy, did he ever. Kravitz gives a silent apology to Barry- he’d probably meant well, giving Kravitz that heart, but Kravitz had been all too willing to let Taako have it. All too willing to let Taako have his real heart, too, and-

“Thank you,” Taako says, his lilting voice drawing Kravitz out of his head.

“For what?”

Taako heaves an overdramatic sigh and flops his hand in the air. Kravitz takes this to mean that, whatever it is, the reason isn’t very important. He squeezes Taako’s foot in acknowledgement and then continues massaging.

“It’s just… I wouldn’t have made plans for tonight with you if I had thought to look at a damn calendar,” Taako says. He’s quiet. 

Kravitz tries not to think about the way Taako is watching him, as if he’s trying to judge how Kravitz is going to react to what he’s saying.

“Why’s that?” Kravitz asks, purposely keeping his attention on rubbing the tightness out of Taako’s muscles.

“I used to be a chef, you know that. But, uh- um. W-well, what cha’boy never mentioned is why he can’t be a chef anymore.”

“You told me once that cooking is no longer a viable option. I don’t need more explanation than that.”

“You do, though, homie. If you- if you’re, y’know, in this thing with me.”

Kravitz stills, his hands on Taako’s ankles. He meets Taako’s hazel eyes, a tentative smile on his lips. “We have a thing?”

“W-well, _yeah_ , I mean, if- um.”

“I’m in this thing, then. Completely. If you’ll have me, of course.”

Taako bites down on the corner of his lip. The look vanishes quickly enough, however, as he scrapes one delicate fingernail against the side of his mug of tea. He’s thinking about something, Kravitz realizes, and his chest tightens when he realizes that whatever it is, it must be difficult for Taako to remember. It must be related to his panic attack earlier today. Kravitz begins working the massage up into Taako’s calves.

“Homeboy used to have a cooking show. Um. _Sizzle it Up with Taako_. It, uh, uh… it was televised, on a few local channels. Only made it into the big time a few times. Um. W-we did more live shows than taped ones, m-my, uh, uhm… assistant, and… me. Five- five years ago today, we-”

Taako cuts off with a sick noise, squeezing his eyes shut. His ears twitch and lower as if they’re going to press against his neck. Understanding slowly dawns on Kravitz. It feels like he’s been doused in cold water.

“ _Oh_. You’re that- that chef from the news. Um. Glamour Springs?”

Taako swallows audibly and nods, his ears bobbing with the motion. Kravitz realizes his hands have paused on Taako’s knees. He resumes kneading at the muscles in Taako’s calf. Kravitz’s brow furrows as he tries to recall the details of the news report. He really only knows about it because Redmond had talked about it with the on-call nurses. The identities of the chef and the deceased had been kept private, but the assistant’s was not. Not after his attempted murder of one person had turned into a forty-person tragedy.

“They- reports said the chef was hospitalized during the assistant’s trial. That’s… all I really remember about the news.”

Taako wordlessly shoves the sleeves of his sweatshirt up to his elbows. He holds his arms close to his chest for a moment, then extends them so his wrists are exposed. Kravitz abandons Taako’s legs in favor of running his thumbs along the twin scars on Taako’s arms. He’d noticed them before, of course, half the time they spend together, Taako is wearing sleeveless shirts or dresses. So yes, Kravitz has seen the scars before- one long, pale strip of tissue adorns each wrist, pointing like beacons to his elbows- but he never thought he would actually hear the story behind them. He hadn’t thought to be bothered by what the scars implied about Taako’s past.

“The arsenic in the chicken was supposed to be for me. Homeboy had a stomach bug and didn’t taste the cooking. Didn’t want to spread it. But… _fuck_ , Krav, I should have. I- I…” Taako’s ears flutter again. His gaze settles on where Kravitz’s fingers are caressing the insides of his wrists. “I wasn’t at the trial because they told me it wasn’t my fault, and I- I, uh… I thought it would hurt less if I killed myself than if I had to be near Sazed again.”

Kravitz lets out a long breath. Taako’s eyes flicker up to meet his. Kravitz releases Taako’s arms so he can brush a hand against his freckled cheeks. 

“I’m here,” he says.

Taako’s eyes close as he inhales shakily. He leans into Kravitz’s hand, presses a kiss to his palm, and then the moment of vulnerable intimacy is over. Taako’s eyes snap back open and a bubbly laugh spills from his lips.

“So when are we gonna bone down, thug? Cha’boy tends to save this sappy shit until way after the hot’n’heavy, so by all accounts we are, like, waaayyy behind schedule.”

Kravitz can feel a deep blush settle onto his face at the same time he starts laughing. Taako regards him happily, seemingly content that he’s not going to leave after their conversation. Kravitz runs a hand over his face, unable to keep a smile off his lips.

“Can I take you home with me, Taako? Not, uh- not for any, um… ‘boning down’-” he makes finger quotes in the air “-but because I would really, really like to spend the night with you, and I would ask to stay here but I also need to feed Raven sometime tonight.”

 

Kravitz can’t remember the last time he had someone in his apartment. His mother, perhaps? He hasn’t actually had anyone over since he moved across town. He had thought it would be strange to have another person around, but when he sees Taako holding a purring Raven and staring reverently at the kitchen, he changes his mind. Taako belongs here just as much as Kravitz does.

Raven trills at the sound of Kravitz opening a can of wet food. She wriggles until Taako allows her to jump to the floor, and Taako’s easy smile makes Kravitz’s heart skip a beat. When Raven starts eating, Taako takes the empty can from Kravitz’s hands so he can drop it in the trash. Kravitz begins rummaging through the contents of his fridge, hoping he can find something easy on the stomach. He comes across nothing that seems helpful until he spots the jug of milk.

“Want some hot chocolate?”

“Saucepan or pre-packaged?”

“Saucepan.”

“Well then hell yeah, homie!”

Taako sits backwards in one of the three chairs Kravitz owns, folding his arms over the backrest and letting his chin rest on his arms while he watches Kravitz gather supplies. Soon, the smell of chocolate floats through the kitchen. Raven purrs from the floor. Kravitz stirs the hot liquid with one hand, resting his hip against the counter beside the stovetop.

“This was the first thing I remember my mom teaching me how to cook, you know.”

“Your mom cooks?” Taako asks, ears perking up.

“Not at all professionally,” Kravitz chuckles. “I love my mother dearly, but that woman is a waste in the kitchen. If it weren’t for Istus, she’d probably still have a personal chef just so she doesn’t have to work at all for her meals.”

“But she makes stovetop hot chocolate.”

“That, and a few other sweets. Nothing really useful.”

Kravitz turns off the stove and stretches up to grab two mugs from his cupboard. He pours the hot chocolate carefully into each, making sure that Taako’s has just slightly more than his own. Taako accepts it readily, lips forming an ‘o’ as he blows steam off the top. Kravitz rinses the pan before he joins Taako at the table. Raven comes over to jump up onto his lap.

“I’ll hand it to you, bone daddy. You’re not completely beyond hope of teaching.”

Kravitz smiles against the rim of his mug. “Next time I speak with Mother, I’ll tell her you like the recipe. I’m sure she’ll appreciate it.”

Taako sets his hot chocolate down so he can pull a lock of hair over his shoulder and braid it. “So why the cocoa so late at night?”

“Well. You had a bad day. Mother used to make the cocoa for me before bed on rough days, and then we would stay up talking for a few hours. It’s actually what, uh, what kept me going a few months back.”

Taako’s right ear flicks forward. His head tilts to the side. He pauses his braiding to take a sip from his mug. “Cha’boy really wants to make a joke about bone grandma, but that doesn’t flow nearly as good as bone daddy. Still, Momma Death sounds rad as fuck.”

“She would like you, Taako. Probably moreso if you actually called her Momma Death to her face.”

Taako laughs, and Kravitz has to duck his head to hide just how wide he smiles in response. Taako’s laugh is effervescent, sparkling and contagious. It bubbles out of him and causes his eyes to scrunch, the tips of his ears to bob up and down, his slender hands to come up and cover his mouth. Kravitz could listen to Taako’s laugh for eternity and never tire of it. 

Kravitz has fallen fast and hard. He knows he has. But as Taako reaches across the table to hold his hand, he knows he isn’t the only one.


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter graphically details the deaths of four people in a car crash and deals with PTSD and panic attacks.

Ravenna De Atta is, in three words, a formidable woman. Her wife, Istus Dalia-De Atta, can be described in a single word: demure. At least, that’s the information that a passing glance would divulge. A longer look would reveal that while Ravenna dresses herself intimidatingly, she is the most gentle and caring person Kravitz has ever met. Istus is the opposite- she seems quiet and approachable at first, but is in fact entirely too excitable. 

Of course, all of Kravitz’s friends know this, because both his mother and stepmother practically adopted them the moment Kravitz allowed them to meet. Which is how he finds himself having brunch in a country club with four women and Barry, not three days after making his relationship with Taako official. 

Istus is knitting while having a fully-engaged conversation with Hurley about the finer details of police work. Sloane slips in a quip about how she and Hurley met because Hurley pulled her over for speeding. Istus laughs, pausing her knitting so she can reach for her mimosa. Kravitz watches this fondly, swirling his own mimosa in its glass. Ravenna takes her wife’s hand and kisses it before she can continue knitting, then turns to the pudgy man seated beside Kravitz.

“So, Barry, when will we get to meet this girlfriend of yours?”

“Soon, I hope,” Barry says, looking like he’s come alive just at the mention of Lup. “She wants to apologize that she couldn’t make it today, she couldn’t take off work.”

Kravitz sets his glass down with a muffled thump. “Hey!”

“What?”

“You invited Lup to brunch with my moms but I haven’t met her yet?”

Barry shrugs. “It’s family brunch! Family brunch is the best time for everyone to meet her all at once. Oh, but guys, you would love her.”

Istus immediately tunes into this conversation, bringing Hurley and Sloane’s attention with her. For a while, they all listen to Barry gush about his girlfriend, and everything is right. Kravitz’s train of thought halts suddenly when he realizes that the unfiltered adoration on Barry’s face is exactly the same as the feeling in his chest every time he sees Taako. 

Gods, he’s going to have to tell his mother and Istus about this relationship. 

Kravitz spends the rest of brunch only half engaged in the conversation as he tries to determine how best to tell his moms that he’s started dating someone. Perhaps he should just have them over for dinner sometime and make sure Taako comes as well. Istus would sit with Taako for hours gossiping, and Ravenna would undoubtedly fawn over his fashion sense. Raven would curl around Taako’s shoulders (she’s already started playing favorites) and purr and Istus would knit a scarf and Ravenna would insist on doing Taako’s hair. 

Kravitz suddenly registers that he wants that easy domesticity. He isn’t quite sure what to do with this new information.

He shakes his head to clear his thoughts just in time to watch Barry stand up to follow Hurley and Sloane. Both Ravenna and Istus are waving and blowing kisses as the three of them leave, presumably to get back to work. Kravitz is left sitting with his moms in the middle of a half-occupied country club. They sit for a while, allowing an easy quiet to settle. Finally, Kravitz clears his throat.

“Mother?”

“Yes, darling,” Ravenna coos, immediately reaching to take her sons hand. 

He smiles at the contact, rubbing his thumb over her knuckles. Istus picks her knitting up again. Kravitz sucks in a deep breath. His pulse beats staccato behind his ribs.

“This probably isn’t the place for it, but… I was wondering, when… When did you know you loved Istus?”

Kravitz’s stepmother smiles down at the knitting in her lap, but Ravenna seems almost startled. Her elegant brow creases, only for a moment, and then she beams at her wife. She seems so content in that moment, Kravitz feels incredibly proud to be her son.

“Well,” Ravenna says, turning her dark eyes back to Kravitz, “You know our whole story, honey. I can’t tell you when I started loving her, it just… happened. But when I realized? Kravitz, my sweet baby, it was your first day out as an EMT. I knew you were safe and I was so proud, but I’m your mom, you know? I was so worried. And Istus, she- she was _there_ with me. She didn’t have to say anything. I knew she wouldn’t leave me.”

Istus scoots an inch closer to her wife and bumps Ravenna’s shoulder with her own. The two women share a soft, private look. Suddenly, hearing his mother’s words, Kravitz wants Taako to be at his side. He nods. It’s time to tell them.

“Mother, Istus, I… I want you both to be the first to know that I- um. I met someone.”

Kravitz can’t be sure which parent is more excited about this news. They both try to downplay their reactions and fail quite miserably. Ravenna practically falls out of her chair as she leans to hug Kravitz, and Istus nearly drops her knitting needles. They both fuss over him for a few minutes before they seem to realize what they’re doing and compose themselves. Istus clears her throat.

“Well? Are you going to tell us about him or should we start guessing?”

Kravitz bites the inside of his cheek but can’t quite keep from beaming. “His name is Taako, and he… gods, he stole my heart.”

Ravenna practically melts into the table. Her eyes well up with tears and she presses a hand to her chest. “ _Oh_ ,” she says, and reaches her other hand over to take Kravitz’s. “My baby’s in love.”

Kravitz feels himself blush, but chooses to ignore it. He hates to admit it to himself, but he’s been distancing himself from Ravenna and Istus ever since the- ever since he switched careers. It feels wrong to keep things from them, and as odd as it is to admit that he’s fallen in love with someone, it’s _Taako_ , and his moms should get to have the privilege of knowing him.

“I am, Mother. And I want you both to meet him, but just so you’re prepared- I’m not joking when I say he stole my heart. He, uh… um.” Kravitz pauses to huff a laugh and rub the back of his neck. “Barry gave me this anatomically correct ceramic heart for my birthday, and… Well, I may have met Taako because he was stealing said heart.”

A beat of silence passes, and then Istus throws her head back and laughs. Ravenna, try as she might, cannot hold back her own giggle. Kravitz presses his lips together in an attempt to keep himself from joining in. Istus snorts and promptly claps a hand over her mouth.

“Oh, gods, Kravitz, you are the best son anyone could ask for,” Istus says once she’s composed herself. She’s still positively bursting with glee. “A man steals your heart so you go ahead and give him the other one as well. Darling, I love you.”

“Thanks, Istus,” Kravitz says. 

His stepmother reaches across the table to lay her hand on top of Kravitz and Ravenna’s. She squeezes gently and rests her head against Ravenna’s shoulder. The two women are the perfect picture of love and family, with the gentle midmorning light falling on them through the window and pride in both of their faces.

“Tell me everything,” Ravenna says, and Kravitz does.

 

The woman’s eyes are brown. Bloodshot. If he can just get over to her, he can save her. He knows he can. His hands are quivering. Holding the defibrillator hurts. So does moving. He blinks to clear his vision. It doesn’t work. His head is throbbing. The woman sees him just as she goes limp. Begins convulsing. He swears, rough and dirty and agonized. He’s not even sure if he’s moving. He smells gasoline, mixed with the acrid stench of blood and oil and burning rubber. He’s not going to get there in time. He won’t be able to save her. Something thuds against his side. The woman is convulsing. Seizing. Another object hits him. And again. She’s going to die. She’s-

“ _Fuck!_ ”

Kravitz jolts awake, breath catching in his throat and wheezing on its way out. His hand closes, tight, around the closest object- an ankle? Taako swears again, and Kravitz’s vision focuses through the dark. Taako is sitting beside him on the bed, one leg tucked under himself and the other stretched out- the leg that Kravitz is holding by the ankle, only inches from the spot on his ribs that he distantly registers as aching. His pulse is still wild, blood roaring in his ears. Taako watches him with wary eyes as he relinquishes his hold on Taako’s leg, sinking back against the pillows with a long exhale.

Kravitz reaches up to press the heels of his hands against his eyes, then slides his hands up into his hair. His left hand finds the scar behind his ear. His breath rattles as he opens his eyes again, swallowing the lump in his throat with no small amount of difficulty.

Taako draws his legs up against his chest and rests his chin on his knees. “You wouldn’t wake up,” he says, voice small.

Kravitz wants to respond, but can’t quite figure out how to work his mouth. He nods weakly. Somewhere near the end of the bed, Raven meows. Taako’s eyes flick in her direction, then back to Kravitz. His hair is a mess and the shirt he’s wearing is large enough that the collar exposes his shoulder. Raven’s small weight moves near Kravitz’s feet and travels up the bed until she settles onto his chest. She starts purring. Kravitz absentmindedly places his hand on her back so he can feel the rumble.

Taako rubs his cheek against his arm. He stares at Kravitz. Kravitz tries to stare back. Taako scoots half an inch closer.

“Had to kick you. I- listen, homeboy tried an easier way but you were, like-” Taako cuts off with a noise of frustration and tugs on his already messy hair. He inhales as if to steady himself. “You’re usually a light sleeper. It’s easy to wake you up. This- this wasn’t like your usual bad dreams, Kravitz, this was- …. I was scared.”

Kravitz screws his eyes shut and nods. After a moment, he is able to look at Taako again. He reaches out his hand like it’s a peace offering. Taako twines their fingers together immediately. He sits for a moment, staring at their hands, and then shuffles closer.

“Can I-”

Kravitz nods again, and Taako lays beside him. The elf is warm, radiates heat as he fits himself against Kravitz’s side and rests his head on Kravitz’s chest. Taako slings one arm around Kravitz, and Kravitz drops his hand from Raven’s back so he can hold Taako’s hand, since they’d had to let go when Taako moved. They lay in silence while Kravitz grounds himself in the moment; Raven a ball of fur on his stomach, Taako’s breath ghosting across his chest, blonde hair tickling his neck. 

“I should have told you sooner,” he says, apologetic. “I- I mentioned the bad dreams, but… I should have told you about the lucid ones. Or, I guess they’re more like memories?”

Taako hums thoughtfully. “Flashbacks, almost? I get them too. What, uh… what are yours about?”

“I haven’t always been a mortician.”

Taako snorts. “Well, I figured that out a while back, bone daddy. You can’t have popped out of the womb a fuckin’ thirty-year-old skele-man.”

Kravitz chuckles before his anxiety can tell him not to. Gods, he loves this man. “Right. You’re a genius, babe.”

“I know. It’s my second-best trait. After my amazing good looks, of course.”

“I actually spent six years as a paramedic. I started emergency medical training as soon as I turned eighteen. A few months after my twenty-third birthday, I managed to get a job with Neverwinter Memorial Hospital. My partner was Boyland, and we were assigned to a driver named Redmond. Boyland retired pretty soon after that, though. I’m not sure what happened to him, actually. Redmond, though, Redmond was a good friend. He and I trained EMTs and new hires for years together.”

Taako shifts his weight and settles more comfortably against Kravitz. Kravitz can feel himself growing agitated and anxious. He holds Taako’s hand tighter.

“About a year ago, Redmond’s little brother Luca decided he wanted to go into paramedic work. The hospital let Redmond and I train him when he was ready to do a ride-along. Four months ago, um… four months ago we got a call about a little boy having an asthma attack. He- it was supposed to be an easy call, he wasn’t supposed to…. It was only Luca’s second night riding with us, and we had an innocent child struggling to breathe.”

Kravitz shifts so he can turn his head and move his hair, leaving the scar behind his ear open to the air. Taako sits up just enough to see, then looks to Kravitz’s face.

“The boy died. He, uh… he hit his head on the bumper when we were thrown out of the back of the ambulance. Redmond was trapped up front. I could hear him yelling for Luca, but Luca- Luca didn’t make it. He had this… this gash, on his forehead, and a- uh, uh, our stretcher broke, the leg of it w-was through his stomach. There was an old man in another car that had crashed, his neck was snapped, and this woman- I... I think she might have been his daughter, she was the only person left I could have saved. She was seizing, and I thought I was going to be able to-”

Kravitz closes his eyes. It’s a bad choice; he can see the explosion behind his eyelids.

“I don’t remember anything after their car caught fire. I was told that all the cuts on my hands and arms are from glass when I was on the ground, and the scar behind my ear is from metal hitting me after the explosion. I healed pretty quickly, but I… Mother and Istus took care of Raven and I until I was well enough to do it on my own. There was an offer for a mental health exam so I could return to work. I, uh. I moved, instead. Bought a funeral home and mortuary that was going out of business. I thought it would help if I wasn't around the hospital, but I- I can't escape the dreams, I...”

A slender hand cups Kravitz’s cheek. He turns his face into the contact, opening his eyes to find Taako’s face just above his own. Taako presses their foreheads together. His hand slips behind Kravitz’s ear to cradle his head. Their breath mingles together, and Kravitz feels his pulse begin to slow.

“Breathe,” Taako whispers. “Just breathe, bubula.”


	7. Chapter 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Kravitz has a panic attack, but there isn't much detail.

It’s raining again. The overcast skies do nothing to help Taako’s mood, but he’s pleased to note that they haven’t dampened it either. He watches a few drops race down the café window with mild interest, absently drumming his fingers against the table. He pauses to examine his nails and clucks his tongue against the roof of his mouth. He should get them done again soon, they’re starting to chip. Plus, they’ve been green for a week and he’s very much in a purple mood right now. His phone buzzes.

_I’d love to meet up for dinner. Can’t make it out now, though, just got in a new shipment. Also, Barry wanted me to stop by after work._

Taako snorts, amused. ‘A new shipment’, Kravitz says. More like another dead sucker. He bites the inside of his cheek and taps out a quick reply, wishing him luck with his weird nerd friend. Kravitz replies almost instantaneously. Taako can practically feel him rolling his eyes.

_Ha ha. You joke but Barry is actually a huge nerd. Gotta go now. Love you!_

The sentiment is followed by a heart eyes emoji. This time, Taako rolls his eyes. Gods, he’s dating such a sap. For a moment, Taako considers not responding- it is, of course, what he would do to Magnus or Merle- but then he sends four heart emojis and places his phone facedown on the table.

The door of the café opens with the sound of a tinkling bell, drawing Taako’s attention away from the stain he’s just noticed on the napkin holder. A small boy with large glasses makes his way over to Taako, a blinding smile on his face. He hangs his umbrella on the other chair at the table before holding his hand out for a fist bump. It’s almost difficult for Taako to pretend he’s not excited as he bumps their knuckles together.

“Hello, Mr. Taako, sir!”

“’Sup, Agnes. How was school?”

Angus climbs up into his chair, pulling off his detective cap and setting it on the table with a pile of books and paper. His unruly hair springs outward as if it’s been freed. Taako wonders briefly if Angus realizes his hair is a living creature.

“Oh, it was wonderful, sir! My chemistry teacher said she could get me a flyer for a forensic science seminar!”

Taako makes a noise like this is the most exciting thing he’s heard all day. Angus, if it’s possible, smiles even brighter and recounts his entire day. Taako listens avidly the whole time, careful to make sure he doesn’t appear too happy to pay attention to Angus. Once Taako has heard every tiny detail of Angus’s day at school, as well as a general overview of the weekend, he orders two milkshakes and a basket of greasy French fries for them to share.

Taako doesn’t talk much for the next few hours, instead letting Angus ask him questions about homework and then work through them faster than Taako can register what’s happening. Angus babbles happily the entire time, laughing when Taako flicks fry salt at him. Taako steals a spare piece of paper and folds it into a triangle, playing with it while Angus finishes his homework and then also flicking it at the boy.

“Sir!” Angus exclaims as he blocks the paper from hitting his face, giggling. “You’re going to get us in trouble!”

“Not a chance, bubula. Chefs adore me.”

Taako’s phone starts ringing just as Angus starts spouting off what is, presumably, a list of the café’s rules. Taako silences him playfully by placing his entire hand over the boy’s face.

“What’s good, bone daddy?” he drawls, making a face at Angus, who bites down on his lip to keep from laughing too loudly.

_“Taako! Honey. Hi. Um. So I- heh. How do you feel about double dates?”_

Taako snorts. “Eh. No particular feeling. Never been on one. Why for, my good dude?”

There’s silence on the other line for a moment, then muffled voices. Angus pulls Taako’s hand down from his face and holds it in both of his own, watching with a curious expression. The line crackles as Kravitz lets out a long breath.

_“Well, I… I told Barry about us, and he thinks it would be fun to go on a double date with him and his girlfriend. Would… would that be okay?”_

Taako purses his lips as he considers this. “… Did you tell him how we met?”

_“No. Not yet.”_

“Alrighty then, gorgeous, I’m in. But your nerd friend can’t know about your dumb heart yet. I need to make an impression first.”

Kravitz laughs. _“I won’t say a thing, honey. You can make whatever impression you want. What about tonight, though, are we still on for dinner?”_

Angus sticks his tongue out when he notices Taako looking at him. Taako makes a face in response. “Absolutely. I’ve still got Ango, though. Carey’s out of town visiting her brother and Killian doesn’t get off work ‘til nine, so I was gonna take the kid over to Magnus’s place for a while. I can text you the address.”

_“Magnus is the one with the dog, right? And Killian was… uh. Oh! Killian teaches martial arts.”_

“Got it in one, bubula.”

_“Okay, well, I’ve got to get back to work. I want to finish the order forms for Friday’s floral arrangements before I leave. I’ll see you at Magnus’s, I suppose. I love you.”_

“Back at’cha,” Taako says, and watches his phone screen as it goes blank. 

Beside him, Angus has released his hand to start loading papers into his small backpack. The little boy catches Taako’s gaze as he turns back and smiles. Taako tries not to scoff at Angus’s enthusiasm. 

“Is it time to go see Magnus, sir?”

“Yeah, Agnes, time for you to get tackled by the mop he calls a dog. Ready?”

Angus nods, his hair flopping as he does so. He hops down from his chair and pulls his backpack onto his shoulders, then shoves his hair back underneath his cap. He holds his hand out towards Taako with a grin that’s all teeth and braces. Taako allows himself a small smile as he takes Angus’s hand. As they leave the café, Angus tightens his grip and presses closer to Taako, who knocks him gently away with his hip.

The rain picks up just before Taako and Angus reach the bus stop. They both have soaked shoulders when they sit down to wait, just barely sheltered from the wind and the rain inside the small booth beside the road. Angus launches into an explanation of the genius turn of events in the latest Caleb Cleveland novel- number eleven, Taako thinks, but he’s not sure- and the chatter lasts throughout their entire wait, as well as the bus ride and the block and a half walk to Magnus’s apartment building.

Taako only knocks once before trying the doorknob, but it’s enough to set off a flurry of barking and shouts from Magnus as the door swings open. Angus disappears beneath a pile of fur as Fisher practically tackles him and licks his face like she’s trying to give him a bath. Taako briefly considers taking Angus’s glasses so they don’t get covered in slobber, but decides to usher both boy and dog into the hallway so he can step inside and close the door instead.

Merle comes waddling out of the general kitchen area holding a steaming bowl. He waves, nearly dropping the bowl in the process. Taako pulls off his coat and tosses it onto Angus, who hangs it on the coat rack the moment Fisher stops licking him.

“Hey Taako! Kid.”

“Hello, Mr. Highchurch, sir! What do you have in the bowl?”

“Oolong tea, what’s it look like?”

Taako snorts. “Looks like a fuckin’ bowl. Maggie, why is he drinking tea from a bowl?”

“Beats me,” Magnus booms from the kitchen. He emerges a moment later to ruffle Angus’s hair and give Fisher the fat trimmings from whatever he’s been cooking. “I’m not his keeper.”

“You have no cups, you big oaf,” Merle grumbles, sinking into the couch.

Angus shakes his head as he hangs his backpack beside Taako’s coat. “You mean he has no clean cups, right? If I recall correctly, you’re the one who doesn’t own any cups, sir.”

“Horseshit.”

But Merle makes no substantial attempts to defend himself. Taako sidles over towards Magnus and peers around him towards the oven. Magnus pulls Taako into a hug while he’s still close enough that it’ll be hard to pull away. Taako wriggles his way free and scowls at Magnus, though his ears betray him by perking up at the easy affection.

Magnus invites both Taako and Angus into the kitchen to help finish cooking dinner. Angus accepts instantaneously. Taako refuses; he does spend the following twenty minutes hovering in the doorway watching them work and criticizing their technique, however. Merle has just begun lecturing Taako about kindness- still on the couch, still drinking tea from a bowl- when there’s a knock on the door. 

Angus jumps down from the stool Magnus had slid over for him and runs to the door before Taako can move. Fisher bounds after him, tail thumping against the walls of the hallway as they go. Taako bites down on his bottom lip to keep himself from giggling at how startled Kravitz looks when the door opens. The mortician shifts his weight awkwardly, obviously not sure what to do when faced with a small child and a large dog in the entrance to a stranger’s apartment.

“Agnes, give the man some room. And keep the living carpet back, too. He’ll collect both of your souls if you misbehave.”

Kravitz grimaces, but it’s not enough to hide his smile as he steps into the apartment. “Darling, I love you, but I really wish you would stop telling people that. The receptionist in your building is terrified of me.”

“Not my fault, bone daddy, you’re just that spooky.”

Kravitz shakes his head with a chuckle and presses a chaste kiss to Taako’s lips the moment he’s close enough. He shrugs his jacket off carefully, trying to avoid the overexcited dog and child hovering nearby. Merle watches from the couch, making no attempt to hide his curiosity. Taako notices this and sticks out his tongue. Merle copies the action.

Taako feels more than hears or sees when Kravitz returns to his side, pressing close but not touching. Almost like Taako is his security blanket in this new situation. Taako bites the inside of his cheek as he realizes that, in one fell swoop, he is intertwining the four biggest parts of his life. He’ll never be able separate them again. This had better go over well.

“Alright, gorgeous, this is the shag carpet Magnus acquired from the cursed artifacts bazaar, the runt we found in a box on the streets, and the dad no one ever wanted.”

“Didn’t know you were dating a guy with kids,” Merle calls from the couch. 

He appears calm, but Taako knows that awful twinkle in his eyes. He flips Merle off. “Wasn’t talking to you, old man.”

Angus adjusts his glasses and has to push Fisher out of the way a bit so he has a clear line of sight on Kravitz. He holds out one small hand.

“My name is Angus McDonald, sir, and this is Fisher. She’s not a shag carpet, she’s a Scottish Deerhound, and she’s very friendly. And I wasn’t found in a box, my grandpa died and the foster program placed me with Mr. Taako’s good good friends Carey and Killian. They’re very nice. That’s Mr. Merle over on the couch, and he likes to say mean things that he doesn’t actually believe. And you are Mr. Kravitz De Atta, right, sir? You’ve been dating Mr. Taako for almost four weeks and you own a funeral home and mortuary.”

Kravitz blinks at the boy with wide eyes. Taako struggles not to snort. After a moment, Kravitz seems to regain his composure. He shakes Angus’s hand firmly and with a gentle smile.

“I’m pleased to meet you, Angus. You certainly know a lot.”

“Oh, yes, sir, I’m the world’s greatest boy detective! And also Mr. Taako sometimes leaves his phone unlocked when he thinks I’m not paying attention. But I always pay attention. It’s why I’m such a good detective.”

Kravitz laughs at the indignation on Taako’s face, and Taako shoves at his shoulder by way of revenge. He catches Merle watching from the couch and fights off a blush- he’s proud of the life he’s building with Kravitz, and he wants to show it off. He wants to add his friends into that life. 

Kravitz leans down towards Angus conspiratorially, though the effect is lost somewhat when he receives a face full of licks from Fisher. “Say, Angus, what can you tell me about Taako?”

Agnus glances up at Taako, so Taako pretends to be examining his nails and ignoring them. The little boy grins, and the gap between his teeth combined with his braces and genuine excitement is the cutest thing Taako has ever seen.

“I could tell you lots of things, sir, Mr. Taako is one of my favorite people in the whole world! Once, he taught me how to paint my nails. I wasn’t very good at it, though, so we went to a salon instead.”

“Is that so?”

“Yes, sir, and sometimes he jokes just like Mr. Merle does, but usually I know he doesn’t mean it when he says awful things. He’s very nice. He just doesn’t like it when people know that about him.”

“Alright, bedtime for you, Agnes,” Taako cuts in, grabbing Angus by the shoulders and steering him towards Magnus’s bedroom door.

Angus has the gall to laugh. Taako picks him up and throws him, shrieking, onto the couch beside Merle, who holds a hand over the top of his bowl like that’s going to keep the tea from sloshing out the sides. Kravitz comes to join them, reaching over Taako and Angus (now writhing as Taako tickles him) to shake Merle’s hand.

“Aw, shit, that’s why you’re familiar. Hey, dog brain, Taako’s dating that funeral director from the place that did all my cousin’s shit!”

“Wait, really?” a booming voice calls from the kitchen.

Taako releases Angus, who yelps as he rolls off the couch, and turns in time to see Magnus coming into the living room. “Wasn’t doing anything,” he says quickly, before Magnus can see that both Angus and Fisher are in a heap on the floor. Taako catches Kravitz’s eye and winks. 

Magnus is wiping his hands on a dish towel as he approaches. “Small world, I guess,” he says, and holds out one damp hand. 

Kravitz turns around with a friendly smile. And freezes. And loses his smile. He doesn’t answer. Doesn’t move to greet Magnus. Taako glances between the two of them. Announces that he needs to tell Kravitz something, grabs his hand, and drags him across the room into Magnus’s bedroom. Practically slams the door behind them in a harried attempt to lock it.

The whole ordeal lasts maybe fifteen seconds.

Taako whirls around to Kravitz and cups his face in his hands. He can feel Kravitz’s pulse, rapid and fluttering beneath his fingertips. Breath coming in short rasps, warm against Taako’s wrists. His eyes are unfocused. Taako rubs his thumb over Kravitz’s cheek.

“It’s okay, Kravitz. You’re safe. I’m here, bubula, just breathe.”

Kravitz struggles for a moment, then sucks in a deep breath and holds it. He squeezes his eyes shut, a fold appearing between his eyebrows. He exhales shakily and presses his forehead against Taako’s. Instinctively, Taako’s eyes close. He allows his breath to mingle with Kravitz’s in the small space between them. His hands slide up into Kravitz’s hair, then down his neck. Small movements, slow, just enough to let Kravitz know that each part of him that Taako touches is real. It seems like ages before Kravitz’s hands find Taako’s hips.

“I’m sorry,” he murmurs.

Taako stretches up so he can kiss the tip of Kravitz’s nose. He sweeps one hand over the top of Kravitz’s head, gathers hair into his fist.

“You have nothing to be sorry for.”

“They’re your friends, Taako, I don’t mean to be rude, I don’t-”

“Shh. This isn’t your fault, honey, you can’t blame yourself for needing to get away. Besides, these chucklefucks have been dealing with me for the past three years, they know what they’re in for. You have _nothing_ that you need to apologize for.”

Kravitz hesitates a bit, then nods. He dips his face down against Taako’s neck, allowing the elf to hug him closer. “I know him,” he says eventually, voice muffled by Taako’s skin.

“Who?”

“Magnus.”

Taako frowns. “Is he why-”

Kravitz nods. “When I was in the hospital. I never knew his name. I didn’t ask. They said he was-”

Kravitz cuts off with a wheezing breath, but Taako knows what he was going to say. It feels like a brick settling into his gut. Taako’s fingers tighten in the fabric of Kravitz’s shirt. They won’t be able to keep this a secret. It wouldn’t be right.

“The woman in the accident. She was… it was his wife.” 

_It was Julia._


	8. Chapter 8

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I can't think of any warnings to put for this chapter, but please let me know if there's anything I should put up a warning on!!
> 
> So, first off, this one's a bit shorter, and I apologize! And y'all are gonna be so upset with me, but I'm gonna take a short hiatus on this fic after this chapter. The longest it'll be is two weeks- it's just that I've gotten into week three of my semester and school hit me like the Rockport Limited. I'm hoping I can have the next chapter up in five days, so it's still technically in the range of my update schedule, but I'm apologizing in advance in case I'm late. (Especially considering where I'm leaving you)
> 
> Everyone who has left kudos and commented (A++ to those of you who comment every chapter) I get so happy when I get to read what you've left, even when it's just those hearts I keep seeing. They make my whole week! Y'all are just the best people ever. <3

Taako emerges from the bedroom a few minutes later, closing the door softly behind himself. Angus is sitting cross-legged on the floor with Fisher panting beside him, seemingly oblivious to Merle’s glare. Magnus straightens up where he’s leaning on the back of the couch. Taako’s heart thuds in his chest. Magnus is so easily taken by the concerns of others- this will hurt him as much as it will help him.

“Everything okay, Taako?”

Taako shrugs. “Hey, Ango, why don’t you go check on dinner? Make sure Maggie here isn’t gonna burn down the entire building.”

The moment Angus hops to his feet and scuffles his way past them, Taako knocks Merle on the shoulder for his attention and drops his voice.

“Okay, listen. Kravitz used to be a paramedic. Merle, I need you to distract Angus for a while. Don’t care how. Mags… he wants to talk to you. Um. A-about… about Julia.”

Taako tries not to wince as he says it, but when Magnus visibly stalls in front of him, it’s hard not to. Merle places a hand over one of Magnus’s on the back of the couch. It takes him a moment, but Magnus nods jerkily.

“Okay. Will you stay with me?”

“I think that would be best for both of you,” Taako says, barely resisting the nervous urge to gnaw on his bottom lip. “We can bring Fisher in, too.”

Magnus shakes his head. “No. No, that would tip Angus off too quickly. She can stay out here.”

Merle raises one eyebrow. “You sure?”

“Yeah. I’ll… I’ll be okay.”

Merle pats Magnus’s hand once more and shoves himself off the couch so he can waddle into the kitchen, talking to Angus in a loud voice. Magnus seems to be steeling himself before he walks into the bedroom. Taako watches, at first, but when Magnus doesn’t move, he reaches forward to take the large man’s hand in his own. Magnus looks at Taako, and his eyes say ‘thank you’, but he makes no further effort to move until Taako tugs him gently towards the closed door.

They pause just outside so Magnus can take a deep breath, and then Taako ushers Magnus inside.

It takes Taako’s eyes a second to adjust to the dark. Kravitz is standing where Taako left him, looking like he’s torn between pacing and collapsing. Magnus clears his throat awkwardly and holds his hand out just like he had earlier. Kravitz seems to gather himself before approaching and clasping Magnus’s hand with his own.

“I want to apologize, Magnus, it was incredibly rude of me to ignore you like that. I just, uh- well, I wasn’t expecting to ever meet you.”

Magnus shrugs, an easy smile on his lips. He doesn’t look it, but Taako knows he’s nervous. “Nah, it’s cool. I can’t lie, though, I was super confused. Taako- heh. Taako says you know something about my wife?”

Kravitz nods once. Rocks back on his heels. He’s obviously not sure what to say. Taako clears his throat. “Alrighty then, I’m gonna take a nice sit on the ol’ bed. Who’s with me?”

It’s awkward, at first, but finally the three men are sitting on Magnus’s bed. Taako makes a quip about leaving them to talk it out and that he’s not a goddamn therapist, but he makes no move to leave. Instead, he takes one of Magnus’s hands and one of Kravitz’s hands and positions himself in a spot where he can simultaneously comfort his boyfriend and his best friend. And eventually Kravitz manages to start talking.

He tells Magnus about being a paramedic, and how he switched careers. He doesn’t go into much detail when he’s talking about the accident. And then he says something that Taako hasn’t even heard yet.

“She said your name. Be- before the explosion, I mean. I experienced some temporary memory loss in the first few days, but it came back to me. After you came to the hospital, of course. When the nurse told me that the woman’s husband wanted to know if he could speak with me, I said no. I- … I didn’t know what she meant.”

Magnus’s breath leaves him in a quiet _huff_. “They told me I shouldn’t ask about her in case it distressed you. But they said you and the driver were the only ones who survived and I just… I wanted to ask how you were doing.”

Taako squeezes Magnus’s hand. Kravitz seems to deflate beside him. “I apologize, Magnus. By the time I fully remembered everything that happened, I… I couldn’t bring myself to even think about finding you. It’s selfish, really, I didn’t ask about you for my own benefit, but-”

“No, no, no, that’s not- Kravitz, mental health is important. I don’t blame you for not reaching out. I don’t think I would have. I mean, hell, after- after Julia, I… that’s why I have Fisher. She helps me when it gets bad.”

Kravitz nods. He doesn’t say anything for a few moments. “I know there wasn’t anything I could have done, and I know it isn’t my fault, but… Magnus, I’m sorry I couldn’t save her. But I was- the, uh, the windshield was shattered, and I managed to get close enough to hear her before she- well. Before.”

“Can I-” Magnus closes his eyes as he sucks in a sharp breath. Opens them again. “You said she said my name?”

“I think she knew, somehow, that I would survive. She told me, um. Gods, I don’t know how I forgot in the first place. She said ‘tell Magnus it’ll be alright’.”

Magnus chuckles, but it sounds more pained than amused. He purses his lips as he struggles to regain his composure, and finally seems to decide he doesn’t care. He gives Kravitz a wet smile. “Thank you.”

 

“Honey, you look perfect. You always do.”

Kravitz leans against the doorframe of Taako’s bathroom, watching as Taako studies his reflection in the mirror. Taako swipes on another layer of mascara, purses his lips to check the evenness of his lipstick, tilts his face to see his cheekbone better.

“I know that, bone daddy, but that takes maintenance.”

“Taako, I think you’re gorgeous when your hair is a mess and you have day-old makeup smeared on my pillowcase. I think you’re gorgeous when you wear Merle’s old shorts and Magnus’s sweatshirts. I think you’re gorgeous when you’ve just taken a day to get your hair and nails done. I think you’re gorgeous when you wear designer dresses. I think you’re gorgeous all the time, maintained or no.”

Taako sighs, setting his hands on the edge of the counter. He scrapes one nail against the rim of the sink. He knows Kravitz truly believes every word he says, but it’s hard not to worry about tonight. He says as much.

“It’s just that… Barry is your best friend, Krav, and you said he adores his girlfriend, and I- … I just want them to like me. For your sake.”

Taako looks at Kravitz’s reflection in the mirror through his eyelashes, watching as his boyfriend’s expression melts and Kravitz steps closer. He slides his hands around Taako’s hips and hugs him close, hiding his face in Taako’s neck for a moment and then pressing a kiss to his shoulder.

“Taako, I was crazy about you the day I met you, and you _stole my goddamn heart_. I love you, and I think everyone in reality is going to love you, Barry and Lup included. And while I’m happy you want to make a good impression on Barry for me, nothing he could ever say would change how I feel about you.”

Taako’s expression softens. He reaches one hand up and back to rest it on Kravitz’s cheek. “I love you, too,” he says, and it’s like catharsis for his anxiety.

Taako turns in Kravitz’s arms and presses a light, careful kiss to his lips. He doesn’t fight his smile. Kravitz touches their foreheads together, his dark eyes shining.

“Does this mean we can go? Because I told Barry we could meet them at the restaurant and it’s sixteen blocks and you hate the bus almost as much as I do, so we’ve got quite a ways to walk.”

Taako rolls his eyes and pulls away so he can snatch his earrings off the counter. “You know, for a reaper, you’re pretty impatient.”

Kravitz snorts. “Death has to keep a timetable, too.”

“Hmm. Good point.”

It’s a nice day for a walk, Taako decides once they’ve left the apartment. The sun is low on the horizon already and there’s a slight chill in the air, but it’s warm enough to wear a light jacket instead of a coat, and it seems like the first day in the past month that it hasn’t rained. He presses close to Kravitz, trapping their entwined hands between them. Kravitz smiles easily and bumps their hips together.

Tomorrow will mark one month since Kravitz’s thirtieth birthday, the night they met in the club. The day after that, one month since Kravitz found Taako working in the Redcheek’s grocery store. And in three days, their first date. Taako sneaks a glance at Kravitz while he’s describing the embalming process and has to duck his head to keep from laughing- no man has the right to be that enthusiastic about injecting dead bodies with formaldehyde. 

He’s happy, Taako realizes, and his heart swells. He’s had flings in the past that have lasted longer than his relationship with Kravitz has. But everything about Kravitz is different than his past. Better. This is the relationship that took everything Taako knew and turned it inside out. This is the relationship, he knows, that will endure lifetimes. And gods, if that isn’t a terrifying and exhilarating thought.

Kravitz catches Taako staring and stops midsentence. Sometimes Taako thinks Kravitz is exaggerating when he says that Taako’s beauty astounds him, and then he does stuff like this. Kravitz tightens his hold on Taako’s hand.

“What are you thinking about, love?”

Taako presses his lips together, debating whether or not he should tell the truth. “Nothing that won’t hold on another day. I love you.”

And Kravitz’s smile is blinding. “I love you, too.”

It isn’t long after that exchange that the two of them reach the restaurant- apparently Barry’s girlfriend had picked it out- and Taako nods his approval. He’s heard good reviews about this place, and while he’s sure he could do better, it’s nice to know that he’s going to get a quality meal. He says as much and Kravitz laughs. 

Kravitz gives the host his last name when they enter the restaurant, and someone comes to take their jackets. The host mentions that the other half of their party has already arrived. Kravitz presses a kiss to Taako’s cheek.

“Why don’t you head to the table, honey? I’m going to run to the bathroom. Barry and Lup should be waiting, though.”

Taako resists the urge to stick out his tongue. “Abandoning me already, bubula? We’re gonna have to talk about your commitment issues.” 

“Ha ha,” Kravitz deadpans as Taako dissolves into giggles.

Beside them, the host looks thoroughly unimpressed. Taako resists the urge to make a face at him once Kravitz has walked away. He rolls his eyes with a sigh.

“Alrighty then, good man, let’s go.”

The host blinks slowly at Taako, adjusts his rainbow bowtie, and gathers two menus into his arms. “This way please,” he says, sounding none too enthused.

The restaurant isn’t too busy, but there’s still a comfortable level of chatter in the room. The host leads Taako to a four-person table. There’s a small, pudgy man already seated there, his face hidden behind a menu. The host places the two new menus on the table across from the man and gestures vaguely at the empty chairs. 

After the host walks away again, Taako pulls out the chair kitty-corner to the pudgy man, who barely glances away from his menu.

“Hey,” he says, reaching around the menu to grab his glass of water. “What do you think about splitting the salmon?”

Taako resists the urge to snort. He hums noncommittally as he drags a new menu over to himself and flips it open. “I was actually thinking more of a shrimp dish tonight.”

The pudgy man’s menu flops down like it’s on a hinge. He blinks somewhat owlishly at Taako behind thick glasses, and Taako is vaguely reminded- not entirely unpleasantly, but also definitely not pleasantly- of Merle. It seems to take the man’s eyes a moment to adjust to looking at something that’s farther than three inches from his face, even with the help of the glasses. Taako flashes him a simpering smile.

“Oh- oh my… I thought you were- oh my _gods_ , you must be-”

“Taako?”

Taako turns at the sound of Kravitz’s voice, ready to be rescued from this man’s confused awe. He’s used to being fawned over- he’s not used to rendering pudgy glasses-wearing nerd friends of his boyfriend entirely speechless. He’s also not used to seeing a carbon-copy clone of himself standing beside Kravitz, who looks almost as shocked as Barry. 

Taako feels his ears quiver and press against his neck in instant panic. The woman’s ears do the same. She opens her mouth at the same time he does, and together they say “What the fuck.”


	9. Chapter 9

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello hello hello my lovely wonderful amazing gorgeous readers!!! Gods, I love y'all. You're all so great. So nice. So kind. So many comments and kudos were given in my absence and I just feel ????? so???? so loved??????
> 
> Sooo this little hiatus ended up being longer than I anticipated, but I think I've got this back on track! Thank you all for being so supportive and patient, I could honestly never thank you enough. I appreciate it so much and I love you all.
> 
> Good news: no triggers in this chapter (please let me know if I'm wrong)  
> Bad news: we're getting closer to the end. I've got this planned as a 12-ish chapter fic, so.... we're getting there :(  
> Good (?) news: I'm considering writing other fics in this same universe!! If there's interest and all went well, I would at the very least have a Hurley/Sloane-centric fic, a Blupjeans fic, and (BEWARE ANGST) a fic centered around Magnus's relationship with Julia leading up until around the time that he meets Kravitz.
> 
> So yeah, lemme know what y'all think of other fics in this universe! Also, lemme know if you'd be interested in an AU fic in which, during the Eleventh Hour, Taako accepts the Chalice's offer (not the canon Glamour Springs offer, more of a... sibling-type-deal...) As always, I'm over on tumblr @alwaysraineh so feel free to come talk to me there, I'm always open to chat!!
> 
> I hope you guys enjoy this chapter, I worked really hard to get it done because I've missed being able to update for you all!!!

There’s a line outside the bathroom doors that seems far longer than it should be, considering that the restaurant doesn’t appear to be all that busy. Kravitz fiddles with his cufflinks while he waits- he’d thought that wearing his birthday gift from Lup would help make a good impression on her, but the tiny golden skulls keep rotating. Maybe he should have worn a different suit tonight. The line inches forward as the bathroom door swings open. Shouldn’t a nice place like this have more than two single-stall bathrooms?

“Hey there, Reaper Man,” Taako says, and Kravitz startles. He starts talking before he looks up from re-buttoning the wrist of his sleeve, more contemplating how to make the cufflinks stationary than why his boyfriend’s voice is pitched slightly higher than usual. Or why his boyfriend is beside him when they had agreed that said boyfriend would go meet Lup and Barry at the table.

“Honey, I thought we decided you wouldn’t call me-”

The words die on Kravitz’s tongue as he catches sight of the elf standing beside him. For one, the outfit isn’t what Taako had left the house wearing, and for two, they’d come from the front of the line and not the back. Logically, Kravitz knows that this isn’t Taako.

But the elf has mischief in their eyes and plum lipstick applied perfectly to smiling lips. It’s Taako’s smile, too, just… different. More wild. The elf waits expectantly for Kravitz to continue. Their smile fades just a bit when he doesn’t. They shuffle a little, as if they’re starting to feel awkward. A delicate hand with nails painted black is extended somewhat hesitantly.

“It… it _is_ Kravitz, right? Barry showed me pictures, so this is gonna be, like _so fucking weird_ if you aren’t Kravitz.”

Oh. Barry. So this is… Lup? Possibly? 

Kravitz nods slowly, trying and failing to gather his thoughts. There’s a simple connection he should be making here, but all he can focus on is that this elf is Taako. Or, no, that’s not right. This elf is not Taako. This is Lup, and she’s… huh. She is nothing like what Kravitz had expected. And yet, perhaps she is exactly what he had expected. 

He’s still struggling to piece everything together when Lup gives up on shaking his hand and punches his shoulder (maybe a little harder than she meant to).

“Aw, shit, you wore the cufflinks! That’s so rad! So you like them, then?”

Kravitz nods again, albeit a bit numbly. And then the realization that’s been slowly dawning tackles him from behind. He shakes his head to clear it, blinking a few times.

“Oh, gods, yeah. Yeah, they’re excellent, thank you. Um. It’s Lup, right? Yeah. _Wow_. Okay. Sorry about blanking on you just now.”

“No problemo, my good dude! Hey, are you in line, or do you want to head back to the table together? Oh, no, wait. Where’s your boyfriend? Are you waiting for him?”

It seems that Lup’s attention and focus flies around just as quickly as Taako’s. Uncanny.

“No, no, we can head back,” Kravitz says, still reeling. He knows it shows on his face, but he can’t concentrate long enough to school his expression. “Uh, Barry said you’ve been looking for your brother. How’s that going?”

Lup heaves an exaggerated sigh, one hand flapping through the air. Her resemblance to Taako is haunting. “Gods, it would be so much better if I knew his name. But you know family, they don’t want to talk about anything, they just want to make jokes about how it’s been years since they’ve seen you. Not like they were all assholes who didn’t want you, y’know?”

Kravitz stills. “Wait. You don’t know his name?”

“Nope,” Lup says. She pops the ‘p’ between her lips and then shrugs. “But hey, the adoption agency’s records don’t have his name and apparently the hospital was full or some shit, cause we haven’t got proper birth certificates either. My best chance was Grandpa Tostaada but that old fuck was totally useless.”

Kravitz chuckles a bit nervously when she laughs and says ‘what can you do?’ like an endless search for a nameless brother is an easy task to undertake. She loops her arm around his and leads him away from the bathrooms and into the restaurant, and he feels his heartbeat pick up pace. His footsteps falter a bit.

“Lup- uh, Lup, hang on. I- I think there’s something you should know, I-”

Lup looks at him expectantly, a tiny crease appearing between her flawless eyebrows. But she turns away at the sound of Barry’s voice stammering, and Kravitz knows that this situation is spiraling quicker than he can process and he has no hope of saving it. Instead, someone steps out of his and Lup’s path and Kravitz can suddenly see Barry, staring at Taako with an absolutely flabbergasted expression, and Taako- sweet, precious, dangerous Taako- looking uncomfortable on the other side of the table. Kravitz’s lips are moving before he registers that he’s talking.

“Taako?”

Barry goes silent as both he and Taako turn to face Kravitz. Taako’s face flashes through a range of emotions- anxiety, relief, confusion, panic- and it hits him that Taako puts on an act of infallibility to hide the fact that he’s fragile.

Lup gasps. Taako’s ears flatten down against his neck. Kravitz’s heart clenches.

“What the fuck.”

The way their voices harmonize as they speak in unison is eerie. Taako’s face has gone pale, and his ears are quivering against his neck. Kravitz steps towards him instinctively, but he shrinks away, his eyes trained on Lup. Barry’s chair scrapes against the floor as he moves in Lup’s direction, and she practically falls against him. Her breathing is shallow. Kravitz can feel his heart pounding against his ribcage. Gods, he wishes someone would say something. Taako is frozen in place, looking like his fight or flight response has malfunctioned. 

The moment shatters as soon as Lup breaks eye contact with Taako and turns to whisper frantically with Barry. Kravitz takes the chance to kneel beside Taako’s chair. He places one hand on the backrest and hovers the other over Taako’s knee, unsure if he should touch the elf or not. Taako’s eyes are wide and afraid when he finally looks at Kravitz, his voice rasping as he struggles to stammer out a whisper.

“W-who… Krav, who-”

“She’s Barry’s girlfriend,” Kravitz murmurs. “I had no idea that she would be- well… I suppose I don’t know what she would be. I promise, darling, I wouldn’t have sprung this on you if I’d known.”

Taako shakes his head quickly, ears flopping. “Not your fault. I… I-I didn’t know I… why does she look like me?”

Kravitz’s brow creases. He allows his hand to fall onto Taako’s knee and squeezes tight, trying to provide something that’s going to ground Taako in this moment. “Taako, love, I think the only explanation is that you’re the brother she’s been looking for…?”

“But I… I don’t have a sister,” Taako says, almost inaudibly.

Kravitz opens his mouth to respond, and is cut off before he begins by a tap on the shoulder. He turns to find Barry looking awkward, and Lup beside him with her arms wrapped around her stomach like she’s trying to hold herself together. Once again, the sheer resemblance to Taako knocks him in the gut. The corner of Barry’s mouth twitches like he’s trying to smile, but his brain isn’t quite sure how to do it anymore.

“Uh, Lup was- well, we both, actually, were wondering… should we do this another time? Um. Or somewhere else? We want to stay, but only if… if it’s alright with both of you.”

Barry finishes his sentence looking at Taako instead of Kravitz. Lup is visibly trying not to chew her lip and ruin her lipstick. Her hazel eyes are tight with something similar to concern- anxiety, perhaps?- and fixed on Taako’s face. Kravitz feels a delicate hand brush against his hair and slide down onto his shoulder. He turns just in time to see Taako flash his trademark smile and force his ears away from his neck.

“Are you kidding? This place is the closest you’ll get to the cooking quality of yours truly, we can’t possibly eat somewhere else. Sit down, sit down, and we can get my good man Jenkins over there to bring us some grub.”

“I’m not a waiter,” the host says as he passes, startling everyone except Taako. His muted demeanor definitely doesn’t match his rainbow bowtie. 

Taako tugs gently on Kravitz’s arm, trying to guide him into his chair as Barry and Lup exchange a glance and sit back in their places. Taako flags down a waiter and rattles off a list of orders before Kravitz has really processed that Taako has already barricaded himself behind a solid wall of glamor and charm. 

“So,” he says, and even Kravitz can barely pick out the razor edge of fear in his voice, “this is pretty fucking weird, right? I have just one teeny tiny issue with this, and that issue is that I have no idea who the fuck you are but you’re wearing my face and using it to smooch my boyfriend’s nerdy best friend.”

A giggle bursts out of Lup, seemingly before she can contain it. Her arms loosen and she brushes hair away from her face. “Yeah, well, how do you think I feel? _You’re_ using _my_ face to smooch the literal grim reaper!”

There’s a beat. Kravitz raises an eyebrow. Taako visibly resists a laugh, and suddenly the tension dissipates. Taako’s shiny new defense wall comes crashing down under the sheer weight of his curiosity about the situation. Lup’s questions are excited where Taako’s answers are hesitant, but Taako doesn’t withdraw from the conversation and Lup catches on to Taako’s mannerisms like she’s known him her whole life. In a better world, Kravitz supposes they would have known each other their entire lives. 

Dinner passes smoother than Kravitz could have hoped, even when Lup breaks down in tears- Taako awkwardly holding her hand seems to help more than Barry’s arm around her shoulders. Taako slips in a few uncoordinated complements throughout the night, making Lup beam with pride. It’s difficult to part ways after dessert but Taako and Lup exchange numbers and agree to meet again in the morning.

Lup pulls everyone into a teary embrace outside of the restaurant, and as she and Barry walk away afterwards, Kravitz is struck once again by just how much she looks like Taako. Who is still standing beside him with an expression of vague disbelief. Kravitz nudges Taako with his elbow.

“Do you want to stay with me tonight, love?

Taako nods somewhat numbly. His ears are deceivingly still- they still quiver at the tips, just barely. He’s obviously putting a lot of effort into controlling them. Kravitz pulls him close and presses a kiss to the top of his head.

“Let’s head home, then.”

 

Taako borrows Kravitz’s cell phone as soon as they step foot into the apartment, saying he’s going to call his grandfather. Kravitz decides to give him privacy and goes to the kitchen to feed Raven. He crouches by her bowl while she eats, purring loudly between bites because Kravitz is petting her absentmindedly. He can hear Taako’s voice drifting in from the living room, but the elf isn’t speaking loud enough for Kravitz to make out anything he’s saying. 

Kravitz comes back into the living room nearly an hour later, having gone to the bathroom, folded his laundry, changed his sheets, and made a fresh batch of hot chocolate. Taako is standing in the middle of the room, one arm wrapped around his ribs and tapping Kravitz’s phone against his chin. He doesn’t react when Kravitz approaches, nor when he sets the two mugs of hot chocolate on the coffee table. But then Kravitz sidles up beside Taako and wraps an arm around his waist, and warmth floods his entire body. Taako turns into Kravitz’s embrace, burying his face in his neck and breathing in the now-familiar scent. 

Elsewhere in the apartment, Raven meows. Taako heaves in a breath and lets it out again like breathing is a chore. Kravitz rubs his back with one hand and holds him close with the other.

“I love you,” Taako says, his voice muffled against Kravitz’s skin.

“I love you, too, Taako. I love you endlessly.”

Taako laughs a little breathlessly for a moment before it turns into tears. Kravitz holds him just a bit tighter. It takes mere seconds for Taako’s breath to catch in his throat. His tears turn to sobs that shake his whole body. Kravitz feels his throat begin to tighten as Taako weeps against his chest. He hides his face in Taako’s hair, trying to soothe him without moving too much.

Raven comes running at the sound of Taako crying, her little feet pattering against the floor. She trills, letting out a broken purr as she presses herself against Taako’s ankles. Kravitz feels hot tears begin to prick at his own eyes when he notices her- it’s the same clumsy manner of comfort that she used to give Kravitz, before they had gotten comfortable with each other. 

Taako makes an attempt to compose himself after only a few moments. Mascara is smeared down his face. Oddly enough, it’s a look that he pulls off well. He hiccups a little and lets out a shaky laugh.

“Hey, Krav, remember how Lup cried at dinner?”

Kravitz’s brow creases. “I do, darling. Why…?”

“Well, we’re identical, right?” Taako asks, sniffling. “At least now I know for sure that I’m not an ugly crier.”

Kravitz’s laugh takes him by surprise. He pulls Taako tight against his chest and shakes his head, still laughing. “Gods above, Taako, please tell me you’re not going to make a thousand twin jokes now.”

“I cannot promise anything, my good man, it wouldn’t be fair.”

Kravitz presses his forehead to Taako’s, taking a long breath in. Taako smiles up at him, still a bit watery and unsettled around the edges. He reaches up to cup Kravitz’s face with one delicate hand, his thumb smoothing over Kravitz’s cheek.

“I’m not good with this whole… _love_ thing, you know, and this stupid _intimacy_ shit, but…” Taako trails off for a beat, his hazel eyes searching for something in Kravitz’s dark brown ones. “Thank you.”

“For what?”

Taako shrugs. Kravitz know that if they weren’t standing so close, he’d be flapping his hand. “Just… y’know, thanks.”

Kravitz smiles. He dips his head a bit so he can kiss Taako, lingering against his boyfriend’s lips until Raven yells at their feet as if to let them both know that she’s still there. Taako bends down to pick her up, and she bumps her face against his chin with a rumbling purr. Taako chastises her for being so impatient and she meows in response.

It’s in this moment, watching Taako hold a conversation with Raven in his living room after an emotionally exhausting day, that Kravitz makes up his mind. He doesn’t care how long or hard the road is- he’s going to marry Taako one day.


End file.
